a 

a 


§P*^ 

iii 


LIBRARY 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA. 

Class 


CAPTAIN  LETTARBLAIR 


Captain  Lettarblair 


A  Comedy  i?i  Three  Acts 
Written  for  E.  H.  SOTHERN 


By 
MARGUERITE  MERINGTON 

* 

Arranged  from  the  prompt-book  used  in 
the  original  Lyceum  production 


Illustrated  with  photographs  of  the  play 


Of    THE 

UNIVERSITY 

OF 


INDIANAPOLIS 

THE  BOBBS-MERRILL  COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS 


COPYRIGHT  1906 
THE  BOBBS-MERRILL  COMPANY 


OCTOBER 

Published  by  Courtesy  of  Daniel  Frohmar 
Owner  of  the  Acting  Rights 


INSCRIBED  WITH   REGARD 

TO 

MR.  &?  MRS.  E.  H.  SOTHERN 


OOOQ 


CHARACTERS 

CAPTAIN  LETTARBLAIR  LITTON       .       Of  the  Irish  Fusiliers 
DEAN  AMBROSE    .     An  Eminent  Divine  of  the  Old  School 

PINCKNEY       .      The  Dean's  Private  Secretary,  afterward  a 
Subaltern  in  the  Irish  Fusiliers 

FRANCIS  MERIVALE     .     A  Country  Squire,  Suitor  to  Fanny 
MR.  SETON     .         .         ...         .     Fanny's  Guardian 

LORD  WILLOUGIIBY        .         .         .       Of  the  Irish  Fusiliers 
SMITHERS      .      A  Clerk  in  the  Office  of  Seton  and  Catesby 
JORKINS     .  .         .         .  Servant  to  Lettarblair 

HENRY      -  .          .          .         .          A  Servant  at  the  Deanery 

FRANCES  HADDEN          .         .        The  Dean's  Orphan  Niece 
HYACINTH  MESSITER         .         .         .  The  Dean's  Love 

POLLY  MESSITER  .  Hyacinth's  Niece 


ACT  I 

Morning  Room  at  Beechwood  "  Loves  Me?" 

ACT  II 

(ONE  WEEK   LATER) 

Litton's  Quarters  in  Barracks  at  Southampton 
"Loves  Me  Not'* 


ACT  III 

(SIX   MONTHS  LATER) 

SCENE  i — Office  of  Seton  &  Catesby,  Solicitors, 
London 

SCENE  2 — By  the  Sun-Dial,  in  the  Garden  at 

Beechwood,  the  Following  Day 

"Loves  Me!" 


ILLUSTRATIONS 

Page 

E.    H.    Sothern   as    Captain   Letlarblair  Frontispiece 

"Well,    don't  mind  me  !  "  32 

"  I  can't  get  beyond  the  spell  of  your  eyes  !  "  36 

"  'Tis  a  lady  I'm  addressing,  not  a  letter  !  "  40 

"  Merivale,  you're  a  mind-reader  !  "  46 

"  And  next  the  Dean  will  confide  it  to — The  devil  !  "  -  58 

"  I  represent  Seton  and  Catesby,  and  I — "  96 

"  Well,  then    make  it  two-sixty  !  "  TOO 

"  Kitty  Tyrrell  knocked  down  to  Lord  Willoughby  "  104 

"  Here's  to  having  paid  all  I  owe  !  "  108 

«'  Why?  then,  these  are  his  rooms  !  "  134 

"  Why,  there's  the  handle  !  "  136 

-Stand  back  !  "  138 

"  You  cur  !"  148 

"  The  Heir  of  Crawford  may  love  me  all  he  damn 

pleases  "  182 

"  Believe  me,  if  all  those  endearing  young  charms  "  190 

"  Oh,  when  he  comes  I  shall  say — I  shall  say — "  200 

"  Come-back-to-me  Fanny  !  "  202 

"  Hackneyed,  but  much  better  !  "  208 


VCKUM    THEATRE. 


NEW  YORK  THEATRE  CO., 
DANIEL  FROHMAN,   . 


-     PROPRIETORS 
MANAGER 


Thursday,  October  22,  1891,  at  2  P  M. 


SPECIAL    AUTHOR'S    MATINEE. 


First  presentation  on  any  stage  of  a  new  Comedy,  in  Three  Acts  and 
Four  Scenes,  entitled 

L  IE  T  T.A.:R  IB  L  .A.I  IR, 

Or,    LOVES    ME,    LOVES    ME    NOT. 
BY    MARGUERITE   MERINGTON 


v  CHARACTERS. 

CAPTAIN  LETTARBLAIR  LITTON  ("Royal  Irish  Fusiliers"). .  .E.  H.  SOTHERN 

DEAN  AMBROSE,  his  uncle HARRY  EYTINGE 

PERCIVAL  PINKNEY,  Dean's  Secretary WRIGHT  HUNT1NGTON 

FRANCIS  MERIVALE,  a  neighboring  Squire,  suitor  to  Fanny . .  MOR  I  ON  SELfEN 

MR.  SETON,  a  lawyer,  Fanny's  trustee AUGUSTUS  COOK 

JORKINS,  Litton  s  servant  (  '  R.  I.  Fusiliers") ROWLAND  BUCKSTONE 

SMITHERS,  Mr.  Seton's  clerk , PERCY  SAGt 

HENRY,  Dean's  servant *  'FRANK  LEIDEN 

FANNY  HADDEN,  Mr.  Seton's  ward VIOLA  ALLEN 

(Through  courtesy  of  Mr.  Joseph  JeffersonJ 

POLLY  MESSITER,  the  Dean's  God  daughter... JENNY  DUN  BAR 

HYACINTH  MESSITER.  her  aunt... KATE  PATT1SON-SELTEN 

Time— The  Present. 

ACT  I.— The  Dean's  house.  Beechwood.    "  Loves  me  ?" 

ACT  II  — Capt.  Litton's  quarters  in  the  barracks  at  Southampton.    "  Loves  me  not." 
ACT  III.- Scene  i- Mr.  Seton's  office,  London.    Scene  a -The  sun-dial,  Beechwood.    "  Loves  me." 


Alas,  how  easily  things  go  wrong  ! 

A  word  unsung  in  a  lover's  song, 

And  there  cometh  a  mist  and  a  blinding  rain, 

And  life  is  never  the  same  again." 


"  Alas,  how  hardly  things  go  right ! 
A  storm  may  come  in  a  summer's  night, 
The  stars  will  fade  in  the  gloom  awav, 
And  a  summer's  night  is  a  winter's'day. 


Scenery  pair.ted  for  this  production  bv  Reg.  Morgan. 
Music  by  Henry  Puerner. 


Every  Evening  and  Wednesday  and  Saturday  Matinee,  E.  H.  Sothern  and  Company  in 
"The  Dancing  Girl." 

***  The  Stock  Company  of  the  LYCEUM  THEATRE  will  reappear  for  the  regular  Winter  Season  Noveor 
16.  when  the  first  of  a  series  of  ne^  plays  will  be  presented. 

Programme  continued  on  next  page. 


YCEU1VI    THEATRE. 


Commencing  Tuesday,  Aug.  16.  1892  Evenings  8  16  laiiBtt  Satliday  «i  2 

SIXTH  ANNUAL  ENGAGEMENT  (under  the  Management  of  DANIEL  FROHMAN)  of 

3E5«   X3C*   ^•p^^'M^'gTT^Tj^.Tisrj 

In  a  new  Comedy,  in  Three  Acts  aad  Four  Scenes,  entitled 

CAPT.  LETTARBLAIR 

By  MARGUERITE  MERINGTON. 


CHARACTERS.  -_•• 

CAPTAIN  LETTARBLAIR  LITTON  ("  Royal  Irish  Fusiliers"),..  .E.  H.  SOTHERM 

DEAN  AMBROSE,  his  uncle C   P.  FLOCKTON 

PERCIVAL  PINKNEY,  Dean's  Secretary LAWRENCE  CLARK 

FRANCIS  MERIVALE,  a  neighboring  Squire,  suitor  to  Fanny.. MORTON  SELTEN 

MR.  SETON,  a  lawyer.  Fanny's  trustee CHAS    A.  SMILEY 

JORK1NS.  Litton's  servant  ("  R.  I.  Fusiliers") ROWLAND  BUCKSTONE 

SMITHERS,  Mr.  beton's  clerk TULLY  MARSHALL 

HENRY.  Dean's  servant FRANK  LEIDEN 

FANNY  HADDEN,  Mr.  Setxm's  ward     VIRGINIA  HARNED 

POLLY  MESSITER,  tb<  Dean's  God  daughter JENNY  DUNBAR 

HYACINTH  MESSITER,  her  aunt KATE  PATTISON-SELTEN 

"  irae — The  Present 

ACT  I.— The  Dean's  house,  Beechwood.     "Loves  me?" 

ACT  II.— Capt.  Litton's  quarters  in  the  barracks  at  Southampton.      "  Loves  me  not." 

ACT  III. — Scene  I — Mr.  Seton's  office,  London. 

(Intermission— thirty  seconds.) 
Scene  2— The  sun-dial,  Beechwood      "  Loves  me." 

"AUs  how  easily  things  go  wrong  ! 
A  word  unsung  in  a  lover's  song, 
And  ther-  cometh  a  mist  and  a  blinding  rain. 
And  life  is  never  the  same  again." 

"Alas,  how  hardly  things  go  riifht ! 
A  s  orra  may  come  in  a  summer's  night, 
The  stars  will  fade  in  ihe  gloom  away 
And  a  summer's  night  is  a  winter's  day  " 

•»*  The  Stock  Comoany  01   ihe  LYC«UM  THBATRB  will  reappear  fpr  the  regular  \Vini 

November  14.  wben  tne  first  of  a  .series  of  new  plays  will  be  presented. 

Programme  continued  oa  second  page  following. 


CAPTAIN  LETTARBLAIR 


CAPTAIN  LETTARBLAIR 


ACT  I 

The  interior  of  a  well-furnished  library  in  the  Deanery  at 
Beechwood,  near  Southampton,  England.  It  is  evening  of 
an  early  spring  day,  and  a  grate  fire  throws  a  welcome  glow 
over  the  room,  with  its  handsome  dark  red  carpet  partly 
covered  by  three  dark  rugs,  its  large  library  table,  a  leather- 
covered  lounge,  an  upright  piano,  and  several  chairs  of  the 
same  heavy  dark  wood  as  the  table.  Two  smaller  tables 
stand  one  at  either  end  of  the  room ;  books  and  ornaments 
are  lying  about  on  the  tables ;  several  palms  stand  in  con 
venient  niches,  and  the  piano  is  littered  with  music  sheets. 
The  room  presents  an  aspect  of  comfort  and  orderly  dis 
order. 

The  Dean,  a  man  of  deliberate  manner  and  fatherly  be 
nignity  combined  with  a  childlike  ingenuousness,  is  seated 
on  a  sofa  a  little  at  the  left,  with  his  friend  Mr.  Seton,  a 
lawyer  of  the  old-school  type.  Pinckney,  a  volatile  and  im 
petuous  youth,  is  seated  at  the  table,  writing;  Polly,  spright 
ly  yet  practical,  leans  over  his  shoulder.  The  Dean  is  poring 
over  a  railway  guide. 

DEAN 

Handing  time-table  to  Seton. 

This  is  the  best  train  to  take,  if  you  must  leave 
us,  Mr.  Seton. 

MR.  SETON 
Thanks   for  your  hospitality,  Dean;  but  I  must 

go- 
Reads. 


2  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

Um — um — five — six — Limited  Express.   This  A- 

B-C  is  very  confusing. 

Gives  back  time-table. 

PlNCKNEY 

Rising. 

'Tis  easy  as  A-B-C. 

POLLY 
To  a  man  of  letters ! 

Pinckney  takes  the  time-table  from  the  Dean. 

MR.  SETON 

Well,  I  must  be  on  the  move.    Has  the  evening 
mail    come   in   yet?      I    expect   some   important 

letters. 

POLLY 

Goes  to  the  window,  followed  by  Pinckney. 

We'll  watch  for  the  post-bag. 

DEAN 

Pinckney  I    Go  on  with  your  writing,  sir ! 

Pinckney  returns  to  the  table. 

PINCKNEY 

Yes,  Dean ! — I'm  sorry  I  promised  to  copy  this 
rubbishy  sermon. 

Aside,  impassioned. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  3 

Oh,  Fanny,  I  did  it  to  be  near  thee ! 

MR.  SETON 

And  I  must  say  good-bye  to  Fanny — and  to 
Litton,  too.   What  has  become  of  them? 

POLLY 

Fanny  is  riding  with  Captain  Litton,  as  usual ! 

Laughs. 

PlNCKNEY 

As  usual  Captain  Litton  is  riding  with  Fanny ! 

With  jealousy. 

MR.  SETON 

Suddenly  interested. 

Aha! 

DEAN 

That  reminds  me,  Mr.  Seton,  I  have  something 
to  say  to  you  in  the  strictest  confidence. 

PlNCKNEY 

Reading  copy. 

" — of  the  problem  novel  which,  like  the  noxious 
weeds  that  choke  the  garden  with  their  pestilen- 


4  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

tial  growth — "     Oh,  humbug!     Polly,  two  s's  in 
pestilential  ? 

Polly  holds  up  one  finger. 

Dean,  have  you  ever  read  this  problem  novel  ? 

DEAN 

Certainly  not !  How  dare  you  insinuate  that  I 
encourage  such  literature  ? 

Pinckney  resumes  writing. 

MR.  SETON 

To  Dean. 
You  were  about  to  say —  ? 

DEAN 

Speaking  of  my  niece  Fanny,  the  responsibility 
of  her  marriage  rests  with  you,  as  her  guardian 
and  trustee — 

MR.  SETON 

— and  with  you  as  her  nearest  living  relative.   But 
is  there  any  present  question  of  Fanny's  marriage  ? 

DEAN 

Apparently.  She  has  many  suitors,  some  of 
whom  will  not  take  no  for  an  answer. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  5 

MR.  SETON 

Some  of  them  will  have  to.    But,  pray,  who  are 
these  wooers  ? 

DEAN 

To  begin  near  home,  there's  Pinckney.    He's  a 
good  boy,  though  he  hasn't  any  brains  to  speak  of., 

PINCKNEY 

Has  been  listening.     Rises. 

What's  that,  Dean  ?    'Tis  quality,  not  quantity, 
that  counts. 

DEAN 

Reproving. 
Pinckney ! 

Polly  puts  Pinckney  back  in  seat  and  goes  be 
hind  chair. 

MR.  SETON 

Surely  you  would  not  think  Pinckney  a  suitable 
match  ? 

POLLY 

Who  has  listened. 

Indeed  I  should,  but  not  for  Fanny ! 

Polly  goes  to  the  conservatory. 


6  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

DEAN 
And  there  is  young  Merivale. 

MR.  SETON 
What  account  can  you  give  of  Merivale? 

DEAN 

Only  what  he  gives  of  himself, — and  that  is  ex 
cellent. 

MR.  SETON 

Shakes  his  head. 

H'm!    Wise  men  keep  their  accounts  to  them 
selves. 

DEAN 

And  there  is  the  latest  comer  on  the  field,  our 
young  Irish  kinsman,  Lettarblair. 

MR.  SETON 
Does  Fanny  show  any  preference,  think  you? 

DEAN 

Yes !    I  am  afraid  the  wind  blows  off  the  coast 
of  Ireland. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  7 

MR.  SETON 

Pleased. 
Capital ! 

DEAN 

You  surprise  me,  Seton !  We  know  nothing  of 
the  young-  man. 

MR.  SETON 

Your  pardon,  Dean ;  I  know  everything-.  And 
in  confidence,  I  have  a  strong  reason  for  hoping 
he  will  marry  Fanny. 

4 

DEAN 

Surprised. 

Really!  You  have  never  hinted  at  any  such 
reason. 

MR.   SETON 

Because  reason  is  fatal  to  women  and  love  af 
fairs.  If  the  young  people  come  together  it  must 
be  from  choice.  But  a  great  wrong  will  be  right 
ed  if  we  join  their  hands. 

DEAN 

I  am  glad  to  know  this,  because  Merivale  has 
pressed  his  suit  most  vigorously  since  Litton's 


8  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

advent — and  I  have  encouraged  him.     He  is  a 
neighbour — 

PlNCKNEY 

Writing. 

"Let  us  love  our  neighbours."   Oh,  humbug! 

Throws  down  pen  in  disgust. 

POLLY 

At  window,  speaking  to  Dean. 

Godfather,  here  is  Aunt  Hyacinth  crossing  the 
garden.  She  said  she  would  come  for  a  game  of 
whist  with  you.  Mr.  Seton,  do  you  believe  in 


marriage  ? 


MR.  SETON 


Always,  Polly,  except  when  I  have  to  help  in 
the  undoing  of  it. 

POLLY 
And,  Godfather,  don't  you  believe  in  it? 

DEAN 

Oratorically. 

Assuredly,  my  flock — I  mean,  Polly — else  how 
could  I  solemnise  the  rite? 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  9 

POLLY 

Her  arm  around  Dean's  neck. 
Then  why  don't  you  do  it  yourself? 

The  Dean  is  embarrassed.    Polly  laughs. 

HYACINTH 

Entering. 

Good  evening,  friends! 

Dean   and    Seton   both   advance   to   meet   her. 
Mr.  Seton  laughs,  Dean  embarrassed. 

MR.  SETON 

Your  servant,  Miss  Messiter.     You  find  us  two 
old  bachelors  discussing  marriage. 

HYACINTH 

Sentimentally. 

Ah,  marriages  are  made  in  Heaven ! 


PINCKNEY 

At  table. 
Sometimes  they  get  no  further ! 


DEAN 

Embarrassed. 
Pinckney,  attend  to  your  writing,  sir ! 


ID  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

POLLY 

At  window. 
There's  the  post-bag !    Let's  get  the  letters  ! 

Rushes  off. 
PlNCKNEY 

Anything  for  a  change ! 

Runs  off  after  Polly,  who  leaves  by  the  win 
dow. 

DEAN 

Miss  Hyacinth,  will  you  be  my  partner — may 
I  offer  you  a  hand  ? 

Miss  Hyacinth  appears  embarrassed. 

MR.   SETON 

Quizzically. 

The  Dean  offers  you  his  hand ! 


DEAN 

Hastily  explaining. 

At  whist. 

Takes  Hyacinth's  hand,  pauses,  turns.  Hya 
cinth  proceeds  to  card-table. 

I  forgot  to  say,  Mr.  Seton,  that  Merivale  will 
be  here  presently  for  his  answer. 

Hyacinth  and  Dean  bring  card-table  to  foot  of 
sofa.  Dean  gets  chair,  places  it  at  card-table. 
Hyacinth  gets  one  from  above  door. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  11 

MR.  SETON 

Consults  his  watch. 
I'll  give  him  his  answer. 

Enter  Pinckney  and  Polly,  carrying  letter-bag. 
PlNCKNEY 

Here  we  are.  Letters  for  everybody  of  every 
kind  and  quality.  Red  letters,  dead-letters,  capi 
tal  letters,  love-letters,  bills  and  billets-doux. 

Slaps  letter-bag  on  the  table,  scattering  papers 
front  of  table. 

POLLY 
Oh,  Godfather,  see  all  your  notes  go  flying! 

Hyacinth  dealing  cards. 

DEAN 

Pinckney!  Such  carelessness  is  inexcusable; 
all  my  "thoughts"  are  scattered  to  the  winds ! 

Dean  takes  letter  from  Pinckney. 

MR.  SETON 
We'll  collect  your  scattered  thoughts. 

Polly  kneels  front  of  table,  picking  up  papers. 


12  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

DEAN 
Look  at  "fourteenthly"  lying  on  the  floor! 

PlNCKNEY 

Here's  "sixteenthly"  !    Sweet  sixteenthly ! 

DEAN 
Pinckney ! 

PlNCKNEY 

And  here  are  your  "Last  Words,"  Dean. 
DEAN 

Gives  letters  to   Seton. 
Pinckney !     Mr.  Seton,  sir,  your  mail. 

Enter  Merivale. 

DEAN 

Good  evening,  Mr.  Merivale. 

MERIVALE 
Good  evening,  Dean. 

Nods  to  others.  Merivale  places  cane  on  piano. 
Dean  takes  zither  from  head  of  sofa  and 
places  it  on  table.  They  talk  apart  a  minute 
while  Mr.  Seton  reads  letter. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  13 

MR.  SETON 

Reading  letter  to  himself. 

"Come  immediately,  matter  cleared  up  about 
John  Robinson's  will  and  Crawford  estate." 
Good!  Now  if  only  the  young  people  will  have 
the  sense  to  fall  in  love  with  each  other — ! 
Good! 

Dean  motions  Seton,  who  comes  up.  Dean  pre 
sents  Merivale  to  Mr.  Seton.  They  shake 
hands  stiffly. 

PlNCKNEY 

Holds  up  letter  in  yellow  envelope. 

Here's  a  letter  for  Captain  Lettarblair  Litton, 
care  of  Dean  Ambrose,  Beechwood.  I'd  like  to 
know  what's  inside  it ! 

MERIVALE 

Turns  from  Mr.  Seton  and  speaks  over  his 
shoulder  to  Pinckney. 

A  bill,  no  doubt. 

PINCKNEY 
It  looks  bilious.   Ha,  ha,  ha  ! 

Throws  Litton's  letter  on  table.  Takes  out  his 
own  letter — blue  envelope. 


I4  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

DEAN 

Behind  sofa. 

Pinckney!  How  dare  you  comment  on  a 
guest's  private  correspondence!  Come  and  join 
us  at  the  card-table,  sir. 

Hyacinth  seats  herself  on  foot  of  sofa. 

PINCKNEY 

Waving  official  blue  envelope. 

Hurrah!  From  the  Horse  Guards — War  Of 
fice  !  Hurrah  !  I've  received  my  commission. 

Polly  joins  him,  leaning  on  his  shoulder. 

DEAN 

If  your  faults  of  commission  are  equal  to  your 
faults  of  omission,  I'm  sorry  for  the  British 
army,  sir. 

Dean  and  Hyacinth  bring  card-table  forward 
a  little.  Dean,  Hyacinth,  Pinckney  and  Polly 
sit  down  to  cards.  Merivale  appears  to  take 
idle  interest  in  the  game,  while  Seton  medi 
tates. 

HYACINTH 
Won't  Mr.  Seton  take  a  hand? 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  15 

SETON 

With  a  smile  and  a  sigh. 

Ah,  Madam,  solitaire  is  the  only  game  I  play! 
Solitaire ! 

PlNCKNEY 

At  cards. 

One,  two,  three,   four,  and  kiss  the  Dean — I 
mean  the  dealer,  Miss  Hyacinth ! 

HYACINTH 

In  a  flutter. 
Oh,  I  really  must  be  excused ! 

DEAN 

Angrily. 

Pinckney,  sir  !    How  dare  you — er — secularise 
whist ! 

MERIVALE 

Sitting  on  edge  of  table,  addresses  Seton. 

My  attachment  for  your  ward  is  deep  and  sin 
cere! 

POLLY 

To  Pinckney,  at  cards. 

Some  people  don't  know  a  heart  from  a  club ! 


16  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

MERIVALE 

Even  if  I  myself  may  not  win  Fanny,  I  grieve 
to  see  her  thrown  away! 

SETON 
Thrown  away!     How  so?     Upon  whom? 

MERIVALE 
The  Irishman,  of  course! 

SETON 

Among  a  certain  class  of  Englishmen  it  is  a 
habit  to  look  with  suspicion  upon  all  Irishmen, 
but — 

MERIVALE 

Interrupting. 

Oh,  I  own  to  a  distinct  insular  prejudice 
against — 

SETON 

Interrupting. 

Insular,  Mr.  Merivale !  Must  I  remind  you 
that  Erin  also  is  an  island,  and  not — 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  17 

MERIVALE 

— a    distinct    British — prejudice,    I    should    say, 
against  adventurers ! 

Goes  to  mantel  and  leans  elbow  on  it. 

I  happen  to  know  something  of  Litton's  private 
affairs.   They  are  written  in  three  letters :  I  O  U ! 

SETON 

You  mistake,  sir!  True,  the  captain  is  bur 
dened  by  a  heavy  debt — 

MERIVALE 

Debts — which  he  hopes  to  discharge  by  mar 
riage  with  an  heiress ! 

SETON 

Which  debt  he  is  honourably  discharging !  Nor 
was  the  obligation  of  his  incurring.  His  fa 
ther — 

MERIVALE 

I  remember !  Old  Litton's  criminal  folly  near 
ly  wrecked  the  Crawford  Bank.  No  wonder  Lit 
ton  starves  himself  to  hush  up  the  story. 


1 8  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLA1R 

HYACINTH 

At  cards. 
Trump  at  all,  trump  high ! 

SETON 

Litton  might  publish  the  story  and  be  proud  of 
it.  His  father  died  under  the  shadow  of  the  gen 
eral  belief  in  his  guilt.  His  partner,  his  friend, 
the  only  man  who  could  have  cleared  his  name, 
was  silent. 

MERIVALE 

John  Robinson,  you  mean.  Since  he  is  dead 
he  will  remain  silent. 

POLLY 

At  cards. 
There's  a  knave  for  you ! 

SETON 

Ah,  the  dead  sometimes  speak ;  and  we  old 
lawyers  are  their  confidants.  My  visit  to  the  con 
tinent  is  to  receive  such  a  message. 

Rises,  looks  at  watch. 

Come,  Mr.  Merivale,  time  presses,  but  in  view  of 
your  disinterested  attachment  to  my  ward — 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLA1R  19 

HYACINTH 

At  cards. 
Tis  his  only  good  card! 

MR.  SETON 

— let  me  assure  you  that  Captain  Litton  is  no 
adventurer,  but  a  highly  honourable  gentleman. 

Putting  on  glove. 

Although  he  could  contest  it,  for  his  father's 
sake  he  is  paying  off  the  debt  to  the  Crawford 
estate  from  the  revenues  of  his  Irish  property. 
His  means  are  only  temporarily  straitened;  so 
pray  dismiss  the  thought  that  Miss  Hadden  will 
throw  herself  away  if  she  chooses  to  marry  him. 


POLLY 

At  cards,  claps  hands. 

Aha !     You're  beaten ! 


MERIVALE 

Aside. 

Beaten  ?    Not  yet ! 

Enter  Henry. 

HENRY 
The  carriage  is  ready,  sir! 

The    card-players    rise.     Pinckney    puts    card- 
table  aside  and  goes  to  window.    Hyacinth 


20  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

joins  Polly.  Dean  goes  to  screen,  taking 
overcoat  with  cape,  shovel  hat  and  scarf. 
Hyacinth  assists  him  to  put  these  on. 

SETON 

Consulting  watch. 

By  Jove,  I  must  be  off ! 

Holds  out  hand  to  Merivale. 

Thank  you,   Mr.    Merivale,    for  taking  a  no   in 
such  good  part ! 

MERIVALE 

Shaking  hands  with  Seton. 
Don't  mention  it ! — 

Aside. 

since  a  no  from  the  guardian  is  not  a  no  from 
the  ward ! 

Seton   discovers   he   has    forgotten   glove;    re 
turns  to  table  for  it. 

PlNCKNEY 

Now,  Mr.  Seton,  sir!    Time-tables  wait  for  no 
man! 

FANNY 

Speaking  outside. 

Take  Gypsy's  saddle  off,  John!     Mr.  Seton — 
Entering  by  the  window,  left. 
Where's  Mr.  Seton !  Oh,  guardian — 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  21 

PlNCKNEY 

Rapturously. 

Fanny!    Would  I  were  thy  guardian  ! 

Goes  out,  gazing  at  Fanny. 

FANNY 
Oh,  I  was  afraid  I  shouldn't  catch  you ! 

Running  to  Seton. 

SETON 

My  dear  Fanny,  I'm  afraid  I  shall  not  catch 
my  train ! 

FANNY 

Clinging  to  Seton. 
Just  one  word,  guardian ! 

Whispers. 

Don't  frown  when  I  tell  you — I  have  written  to 
the  office  for  some  money!  I  have  a  pressing- 
need  of  money! 

SETON 

Indulgently. 

Extravagant  little  girl!     For  bonnets,  I  sup 


pose  ! 


FANNY 


Bonnets,  indeed !     For  something  whose  fash 
ion  never  will  grow  old! 


22  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

SETON 
God  bless  my  soul !     Bonbons,  no  doubt ! 

FANNY 
Oh,  no !     Something  infinitely  more  sweet ! 

SETON 

Well,  well,  I  haven't  been  near  the  office  for  a 
month — gout  and  external  legal  complications, 
but — 

Disengaging  himself. 

my  partner,  Mr.  Catesby,  will  have  attended  to  it! 

PlNCKNEY 

Appears  at  the  door,  bringing  Seton's  hat  and 
coat. 

Come,  Mr.  Seton!  Trains  don't  allow  for  the 
law's  delay! 

FANNY 

Detaining  Seton. 

Then  you  don't  mind?  Then  I  may  have  all 
the  money  I  want  ? 

SETON 
Certainly !    I  don't  suppose  you  want  much ! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  23 

FANNY 

Aside,  laughs. 
Not  much  ?  Only  a  small  fortune ! 

She  meets  Merivale  in  front  of  table  and  greets 
him. 

DEAN 

Shaking  hands  with  Mr.  Seton. 

Good-bye,  Mr.  Seton.    I  trust  your  sojourn  on 
the  continent  will  restore  your  health. 

SETON 

Thank  you,  Dean.  I  trust  it  may  also  clear  the 
reputation  of  an  honest  man. 

Fanny  runs  to  overtake  him,  calling,  "Guar 
dian — one  word." 

Exeunt  all ;  Fanny  teasing ;  Seton  expostulat 
ing,  others  saying  "Good-bye."  All  but  Meri 
vale  follow  Seton  to  the  door.  Chorus  of 
"Good-bye,  bon  voyage,"  etc. 

MERIVALE 

Alone. 

Is  there  no  getting  rid  of  the  fellow?  Con 
found  him !  She'd  have  cared  for  me  in  time  if 
he  hadn't  come  by  with  his  brogue  and  his  uni 
form.  Even  his  debts  are  encircled  with  a  halo 
of  romance.  Debts !  I've  as  many  debts  as  Lit- 


24  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

ton  if  people  did  but  know  it.  But  I  incurred  my 
debts  on  my  own  account,  like  a  man,  instead  of 
saddling  myself  with  other  people's,  like  a  don 
key. 

Goes  into  conservatory  as  Polly  enters,  wav 
ing  her  hand  and  calling  good-bye  to  Mr. 
Seton. 

Fanny  follows  Polly.  Merivale  stands  within 
conservatory,  unseen  by  them. 

FANNY 

Noticing  letter-bag. 
Anything  for  me  to-day,  Polly  ? 

POLLY 
Yes,  indeed. 

Picks  up  Litton's  letter  and  reads. 

"Captain  Lettarblair  Litton." 

FANNY 
What  do  you  mean,  Polly  ? 

POLLY 

Dropping  letter  on  table  and  leaning  over 
Fanny. 

Isn't  he  for  you — to-day  and  always? 

FANNY 

Oh,  Polly!    What  makes  you  think  I  care  for 
him? 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  25 

POLLY 

Coming  to  Fanny's  side. 

Why,  your  cheeks  mount  colours  as  red  as  his 
uniform  at  the  very  mention  of  his  name.     See 

there,  now ! 

Kneels  by  Fanny. 

FANNY 

Oh,  Polly,  I  do  !- 

Kisses  Polly. 

POLLY 

Chaffingly. 

Then,  dear,  what  is  the  obstacle? 

FANNY 

Why  do  people  say  such  things  of  him  ?    Why 
did    my    grandfather    leave    me    such    a    lot    of 

money  ? 

A  little  pause. 

Francis  Merivale  tells  me  that  Lettarblair  plays. 

POLLY 
That's  nice — since  you  sing! 

FANNY 

Plays  cards,  I  mean.     Is  extravagant,  and  has 
a  heap  of  horrid  debts.     There  was  a  queer-look- 


26  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

ing   man   asking   for   Lettarblair   this   morning. 
Francis  Merivale  said  it  was  a  bailiff. 

POLLY 

Francis  Merivale  ought  to  know  the  look  of 
one.  Well,  you're  so  rich,  why  don't  you  pay 
Lettarblair's  debts  for  him? 

FANNY 

Polly — I'll  tell  you  a  secret.  Promise  you'll 
never  tell. 

POLLY 
Never !     S'help  me ! 

Crosses  her  heart.    Merivale,  in  conservatory, 
holds  curtain  aside  and  listens  unseen. 

FANNY 

I'm  going  to  give  Lettarblair  some  of  my 
money. 

POLLY 

With  yourself? 

FANNY 

No,  first! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  27 

POLLY 
Oh,  but  he  would  never  take  it  from  you. 

FANNY 

He  won't  know  it  comes  from  me.  I  told  my 
bankers  at  Southimpton  to  send  Lettarblair  an 
order  on  his  bank — the  Bank  of  Burmah  in  Lon 
don — saying  it  was  part  payment  of  an  old  debt 
to  his  estate,  and  that  the  remainder  would  short 
ly  follow. 

POLLY 

Oh!  would  Mr.  Seton  let  you  spend  your 
money  that  way? 

FANNY 

I'm  afraid  he  wouldn't,  if  he  knew.  But  Mr. 
Seton  has  been  away  from  his  office,  ill,  so  I 
wrote  to  his  partner  for  the  money.  There  is  an 
old  debt  to  my  grandfather's  property,  the  Craw 
ford  estate.  The  people  are  paying  it  off  year  by 
year.  Well — I  wrote  to  Mr.  Catesby  to  make 
them  pay  it  all  at  once.  He  got  half  the  money 
from  them,  ten  thousand  pounds.  I  told  him  to 
press  them — squeeze  them  for  the  rest.  I  must 
have  it.  I  want  it  all — for  Lettarblair ! 


28  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

POLLY 

Counting  her  fingers. 

Ten  thousand  pounds  plus  ten  more  thousand 
pounds !  Do  you  love  Lettarblair  twenty — thou 
sand — pounds'  worth  ? 

Opening  eyes  in  amazement. 

FANNY 
Oh,  Polly !    The  sum  of  it  can  not  be  told ! 

POLLY 

It    is   be-eautiful !      Just   like   "Once    upon    a 

time!" 

FANNY 

Looking  at  Litton's  letter. 

"Bank  of  Burmah."     Polly- 
Rising,  delighted. 

I  do  believe — it  is — it  is !  This  is  the  letter  that 
gives  fortune  to  him,  and  him  to  me ! 

Kisses  letter. 
He  must  find  it  here  when  he  comes  in ! 

At  back  of  table ;  replaces  letter  in  bag. 

He  will  find  he  is  suddenly  rich — then  if  he  comes 
to  me — I  shall  know  it  is  from  love  and  not  ne 
cessity  ! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  29 

LITTON 

Outside,  sings  with  Irish  accent. 
"Gin  a  body  kiss  a  body,  need  a  body  cry!" 

POLLY 

"Gin  a  body—"     Oh,  Fanny,  did  Lettarblair 
do  that? 

FANNY 

Indignantly. 
As  if  I  would  let  him ! 

POLLY 
As  if  he  would  wait  for  permission ! 

FANNY 
As  if  he  would  dare! 

POLLY 

As  if  he  wouldn't!     As  if  you  wouldn't  like 
him  the  better  for  his  daring! 

FANNY 
Polly,  you  horrid  girl ! 

Polly  and  Fanny  run  into  the  conservatory. 


30  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

MERIVALE 

Advancing,  keeping  the  piano  between  himself 
and  them.     Aside. 

Aha!  Then  Fanny  is  Lettarblair's  mysterious 
creditor,  and  she  is  squeezing  him  for  money  to 
pay  his  own  indebtedness! 

Laughs. 

That's  why  old  Seton  favours  his  suit!  Book 
keeping  made  eas}T!  Balancing  debit  and  credit 
side  of  the  account  by  marrying  them  ! 

Takes  Litton's  letter  from  table. 

Ten  thousand  pounds!  It's  an  age  since  I've 
handled  such  a  sum  ! 

Weighs  letter  in  hand,  then  holds  it  up  to  light. 

There's  something  about  money — the  mere  con 
tact  with  it  engenders  a  feeling  of  prosperity  ! 
Why  the  mischief  did  I  pose  as  a  man  of  means ! 
But  who'd  have  thought  a  girl  would  take  it  into 
her  head  to  fall  in  love  with  poverty  !  And  the 
deuce  of  it  is — even  now  if  I  persuade  her  to 
marry  me  and  Litton  gets  this  money — 

Starts  guiltily  on  hearing  Fanny's  voice,  drops 
letter. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  31 

FANNY 

Ah,    Polly,    they    don't   know    him    as    I    do! 
While  we  were  riding  he  spoke  to  me — 


LITTON 

Outside,  sings. 

"Gin  a  body  meet  a  body,  comin'  thro'  the  rye, 
Gin  a  body  kiss  a  body,  need  a  body  cry ! 
Every  lassie  hae  her  laddie — " 

During  this  Merivale  debates  with  himself  in 
pantomime  whether  he  shall  steal  Litton's 
letter,  finally  succumbing  to  the  temptation 
and  pocketing  it  as  he  goes  out. 

LITTON 

Outside. 

"Yet  all  the  lads  they  smile  at  me, 
When  comin'  thro'  the  rye!" 

FANNY 

Slowly  approaching. 

I  will  not  bind  myself  to  him  till  I  have  proved 
him  to  them  all ! 

PINCKNEY 

Who  has  peeped  in  at  Fanny,  now  runs  down 
to  her  and  kneels  before  her. 

Fanny — I — I    love   you !      I've  been   copying 


32  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

those  beastly  sermons  all  day  to  get  a  chance  to 
tell  you! 

FANNY 

Moves  away. 

Oh,  Mr.  Pinckney,  are  you  proposing  to  me 
again ! 

PINCKNEY 

Following  her  on  his  knees. 

I    was    trying   to — but — it    seems    a    movable 
feast ! 

FANNY 

Walks  on. 

Ah,  don't!     You  know  I  have  but  one  answer 
to  give  you ! 

POLLY 

Who  has  been  peeping  in  from  conservatory, 
amused. 

Persevere,  Percival !     If  at  first  you  don't  suc 
ceed,  try,  try,  again! 

PINCKNEY 

On  his  knees. 

Fanny — I  love  you ! 


Act  I 


Well,  don't  mind  me  !  "     Page  33 


Of    THE 

UNIVERSITY 

OF 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  33 

FANNY 

Having  been  talking  to  herself  about  Lettar- 
blair,  returns,  almost  falling  over  Pinckney. 

Oh,  Mr.  Pinckney,  are  you  still  proposing  to 
me? 

Moves   away,   Pinckney  still   following  on  his 
knees.     Enter  Litton. 

LITTON 

Ah!      At   your   devotions,    Pinckney,    darlin'  ? 
Well,  don't  mind  me ! 

Puts  hat,  etc.,  on  card-table. 

PINCKNEY 

Rising  angrily. 

I  don't  mind  you,  sir! 

Fanny  goes  up,  laughing,  and  joins  Polly. 

LITTON 
Then  don't  be  making  angry  faces,  Pinckney, 

dear! 

PINCKNEY 

Captain,  I  should  like  to  propose  to  you — 

Advancing  angrily  on  Litton. 

LITTON 

Ah,  Pinckney,  darlin',  it's  breath  wasted  and 
thrown  away  to  propose  to  me ! 

Polly  runs  to  Pinckney,  restraining  him. 


34  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

PlNCKNEY 

Sir,  you  are  not  the  only  soldier  in  the  world ! 

Waving  his  commission. 

LITTON 

Faith,  if  I  were,  'tis  the  Colonel  I'd  be,  not  the 
Captain ! 

POLLY 

Drags  Pinckney  to  the  door. 

Never  mind,  Percy !    You  proposed  very  nice 
ly — only  it  was  to  the  wrong  girl ! 

Pinckney   goes    out   majestically,    followed   by 
Polly,  mocking  him. 

LITTON 
"Gin  a  body  kiss  a  body  need  a  body — " 

Goes  to  Fanny,  who  is  standing  by  the  sofa, 
and  tries  to  put  his  arm  about  her  waist. 

FANNY 
Don't !  You  are  taking  a  liberty ! 

Freeing  herself. 

LITTON 
Fanny,    I'm   your   captive — and    liberty's    the 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  35 

sweetest  thing  a  captive  can  take !     Fanny,  what 
would  you  have? 

FANNY 

Sighs. 
I  don't  know ! 

LITTON 
Again  tries  to  put  an  arm  about  her. 

Try  me! 

FANNY 
Don't ! 

LITTON 

Sure  a  soldier  must  win  his  way  by  force  of 
arms,  Fanny! 

FANNY 

Goes  to  table. 

What  do  you  take  me  for? 

LITTON 
For  better  or  worse,  if  I  can  get  ye ! 

Throws  glove  on  table. 

FANNY 

Gaining  time. 
Why  do  you  talk  to  me  this  way  ? 

Soft  music  is  heard :    "Believe  me,  if  all  those 
endearing    young     charms."      The     twilight 


wanes. 


36  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

LITTON 

Taking  both  Fanny's  hands. 

Fanny,  how  else  should  I  talk  to  you — though 
it's  content  I'd  be  to  sit  and  look  at  ye!  Fanny, 
I  love  you!  I  love  you  without  rhyme,  because 
I'm  not  a  poet ;  and  I  love  you  without  reason, 
since  it  passes  calculation !  Fanny,  I  love  you 
every  way  and  always — and  it's  your  heart  I'm 
trying  to  read;  but  I  can't  get  beyond  the  spell 
of  your  eyes ! 

FANNY 

Leans  against  table,  laughing  and  playing  with 
her  riding-crop.    Turns  her  face  from.  him. 

You  say  these  things  so  aptly — as  if  you  had 
said  them  before ! 

LTTTON 

Impressively, 

Fanny,  I  have! 

FANNY 

Petulantly  turning  on  him. 

Then  how  dare  you  say  them  to  me ! 

LITTON 
Fanny,  it  is  to  you,  and  to  you  alone,  I  have 


I  can't  get  beyond  the  spell  of  your  eyes  !  "     Page  36 


Of    THE 

UNIVERSITY 

OF 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

said  them! — Come,  don't  trifle  with  me! — If  it's 
yes,  'tis  yes;  and  I'm  the  happiest  man  in  the 
world  and  the  luckiest ! 

He  lays  a  hand  on  hers.    She  puts  it  from  her 
and  moves  away. 

And  if  it's  no,  'tis  no — and  off  I  go  to  India ! 
FANNY 

Turns  to  him,  pleading. 
Ah,  no  !     Not  that ! 

LITTON 

Taking  her  hand. 
Then  give  me  an  answer,  dear  heart ! 

FANNY 

With  deep  feeling. 
How  can  I  be  sure  that  you  love  me  as  you 


say! 


LITTON 

With  confidence. 


Marry  me,  sure !    'Tis  the  only  way  to  find  out ! 


FANNY 

She  attempts  to  turn  away  from  him.  H'e  pre 
vents  her,  holding  her  left  hand  and  fond 
ling  it. 

Wait  till  to-morrow ! 


38  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

LITTON 

Ah,  Fanny,  yesterday  you  said,  "To-day,"  and 
to-day  you  say  "To-morrow!"  And  the  nearest 
to-morrow  is  a  year  away  when  a  man  cares  for 
a  woman  as  I  care  for  you !  Do  you  want  me  to 
beat  about  the  bush  for  twenty  years,  like  Uncle 
Ambrose,  till  the  roses  have  withered  and  youth, 
gone  by? — Give  me  at  least  some  hope! 

FANNY 

Deeply  touched,  yet  withdrawing  her  hand. 
Have  faith  instead! 

LITTON 

With  spirit. 

Faith  !  The  evidence  of  things  not  seen  ?  Faith, 
not  I !  If  I  have  to  feed  my  starved  heart  on  a 
cardinal  virtue  I'll  take  charity — for  that  means 
love ! 

FANNY 

Aside. 
Oh,  where  s  my  courage ! 

Turns  and  speaks  to  Litton. 

Wait! 

She    leans    on    mantel,    tapping    lightly    with 
crop,  hardly  trusting  herself  to  speak. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  39 

LITTON 

Wait,  wait! — How  can  I  go  about  with  a 
weight  on  my  heart ! — Fanny — 

FANNY 

Goes  to  table,  picks  up  letter-bag  and  feels  in  it. 

Did  you  know  ?  There  is  a  letter  for  you. 

LITTON 
Feels  for  her  hand  inside  letter-bag. 

Fanny,  'tis  a  lady  I'm  addressing,  not  a  letter! 
— Fanny,  how  much  longer  am  I  to  wait?  And 
what  is  it  we're  waiting  for? 

FANNY 

Smiles  mysteriously. 

Some  time  to-day! 

LITTON 

Impatiently. 

It's  some  time  to-day  this  very  minute !  It  has 
been  some  time  to-day  ever  since  last  night. 
Fanny,  my  regiment  is  under  marching  orders ;  in 
a  week  we're  off  to  India.  I  want  to  know  my 
fate  now  that  I  may  have  a  whole  week  to  realise 
my  happiness ;  to  feel  that  a  jewel  of  a  heart  is 


40  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

beating  for  me  when  I  am  far  away;  that  sweet 
eyes  are  watching  for  my  letters;  and  a  sweet 
heart  awaiting  my  return ! 

FANNY 

But  you  might  have  a  change  of  heart,  you 
know ! 

LITTON 

Sure  a  change  of  heart  is  just  what  I'm  after! 
I've  given  you  mine,  and  I  want  yours  in  return ! 

Fanny  gets  handful  of  letters  from  bag,  looks 
them  over — throws  them  on  table — turns 
away — leans  on  arm-chair ;  says  nothing,  but 
seems  to  be  distressed. 

Fanny,  dearest,  something  distresses  ye!  What 
is  it?  Surely  you  don't  doubt  my  love  for  you? 
As  the  old  song  says : 

"If  she  loves  me,  this  believe, 

I  will  die  ere  she  should  grieve." 
Only  I'd  rather  live  with   ye  than   die   for  ye ! 
Fanny,  is  it  a  burden?    Let  me  bear  it  for  you. 
Is  it  a  sorrow  ?  Let  me  share  it  with  you.    Come, 
sweetheart ! 

He  draws  her  to  him  and  is  about  to  kiss  her, 
when  she  breaks  away. 


lady  I'm  addressing,  not  a  letter  !  "     Page  39 


42        CAPTAIN  LETTARBLAIR 

FANNY 


No!    No.! 


Enter  Merivale  at  arch,  as  if  about  to  take  his 
cane  from  piano. 


MERIVALE 

Ah,  good  evening,  Litton. 

Aside. 

Confound  the  fellow !     Here  as  usual. 

LITTON 
Good  morrow  to  ye,  Merivale. 

Aside. 
Divvle  take  him. 

FANNY 

With  difficulty  concealing  emotion. 

I'm   just   going  to  the   stable  to   give   Gypsy 
some  sugar. 

Exit,  agitated. 

MERIVALE 
I  hope  you're  not  put  out  by  my  arrival. 

LITTON 

Your  arrival?     Whose  rival  are  ye,  Merivale? 

Appears  to  be  going. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  43 

MERIVALE 
Going? 

LITTON 

Changing  mind  about  going. 
Yes — to  stay ! 

Goes  to  sofa — sits. 

MERIVALE 

Sorry  to  have  disturbed  your  tete-a-tete,  but 
Miss  Hadden  sent  for  me  on  business,  so,  of 
course,  I  fly  to  her  feet. 

LITTON 

Fly  to  her  feet.  Gone  into  the  shoe  business, 
have  you,  Merivale?  You'll  make  a  capital  cob 
bler. 

MERIVALE 

As  usual,  you  entertain  yourself  at  my  expense, 
Litton. 

LITTON 

Tis  all  I  get  at  your  expense,  Merivale. 
MERIVALE 

Rises  and  bows  with  elaborate  irony. 

I  have  not  your  advantages,  Captain  Litton. 


44  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

LITTON 

Imitating  Merivale. 

You're  a  beautiful  creature,  Mr.  Merivale. 


MERIVALE 

Sits  again. 
I  know  I'm  slow. 


LITTON 

Sits  again. 

Ah,  don't  abuse  yourself  behind  your  back. 


MERIVALE 

But  a  hare  and  a  tortoise  once  ran  a  race,  my 
dear  Litton. 

LITTON 

It's  the  affectionate  creature  ye  are,  my  dear 
Merivale ! 

MERIVALE 

Getting  excited. 

At  the  end  of  the  race,  my  dear  Litton,  your 
hare — 

Slaps  table. 
Where  was  your  hare  ? 


s 

CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  45 

LITTON 

Slapping  table. 

On   a   head,    Merivale,    dear,    where    my   hair 
grows.   Did  ye  want  a  lock  of  it  ? 

MERIVALE 

Leaning  on  the  table,  hand  under  chin. 

Litton,  you  don't  like  me ! 
LITTON 

Imitating  Merivale. 
Merivale,  you're  a  mind-reader! 

MERIVALE 

Folds  arms  on  table. 
Well,  Litton,  do  you  like  me  ? 

LITTON 

Imitating  Merivale. 
Merivale — I  do  not. 

MERIVALE 

Why? 

LITTON 
Oh,  I  don't  know  !    You're  too  big.  . 

MERIVALE 
Oh! 


46  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

LITTON 
You  take  up  too  much  room. 

MERIVALE 
Ah! 

LITTON 
And — Merivale,  I  don't  like  your  clothes. 

MERIVALE 
Perhaps  you  object  to  my  visits  here? 

LITTON 

Well,   Merivale,  dear,  they're  like  your  man 
ners  ;  there's  a  lack  of  finish  about  them. 

MERIVALE 
Anything  more  ? 

LITTON 

I'll  write  to  ye  about  it.     But  you're  always  in 
the  way,  Merivale ! 

MERIVALE 
Ah,  we  are  rivals ! 


>§5sir 

Of    THE 

UNIVERSITY 

OF 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  47 

LITTON 

Ah,  you're  full  of  fun,  ain't  you? 

MERIVALE 
But  I  am  first  in  the  field. 

LITTON 
Merivale,  that's  the  proper  place  for  a  farmer. 

MERIVALE 

You're  no  farmer,  so  it's  not  the  place  for  you. 

LITTON 

Merivale,  you  wealthy  darlin' ;  if  I  had  your 
money  I'd  go  abroad  in  a  minute  for  the  good  of 
my  country. 

MERIVALE 

Aside. 

Ah,  it  is  the  money,  is  it  ? 

Aloud. 

Fanny  will  never  marry  a  miserable  beggar. 

LITTON 
Ah,  now,  don't  despair,  Merivale !   I  don't ! 


48  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

MERIVALE 

Slaps  breast. 

At  any  rate  no  interested  motives  enter  into 
my  breast,  my  dear  Litton ! 

LITTON 

Sings  derisively. 

"Ah,  there's  not  in  this  wide  world  a  Merivale 

so  sweet, 

As  the   Merivale   in   whose  bosom   such   sinti- 
ments  meet !" 

It  grows  gradually  darker.     Fanny  and   Polly 
enter  through  conservatory,  bringing  roses. 

FANNY 

To  Polly. 

Oh,  he  has  not  read  his  letter.     We  must  give 
him  a  chance  to  read  his  letter ! 

Addressing  Merivale. 

Francis,  we  are  going  to  fill  the  vases.     Won't 
you  come  and  help  us  ? 


With  pleasure ! 


MERIVALE 

With  triumphant  look  at  Litton. 


As  Fanny  turns  she  drops  a  rose.    Both  lovers 
strive  to  get  it.    Merivale,  succeeding,  laughs 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  49 

mockingly,  swinging  the  blossom  in  front  of 
Litton  as  he  follows  Fanny. 

I'm  afraid  you're  left  out,  Litton! 
LITTON 

Quietly,  capturing  the  rose. 

God  bless  you,  Merivale ! 

Merivale  makes  an  angry  gesture,  as  if  to  strike 
him. 

FANNY 
We  will  leave  you  to  your  letters ! 

LITTON 

Striving  not  to  appear  neglected. 

At  any  rate  I  have  your  rose ! 

FANNY 
And  my  rose  has  thorns ! 

LITTON 

Then  shall  I  know  it  is  Fanny  masquerading 
as  a  flower! 

Fanny  and  Merivale  go  out.  Litton  crosses 
rather  disconsolately  to  the  large  arm-chair 
by  the  fire.  Polly,  who  has  been  an  amused 
spectator  in  the  background,  goes  toward 
door. 


50  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

POLLY 

Softly  to  Litton. 
Never  mind,  dear  Lettarblair!     She  loves  you! 

—She  loves  you ! 

Goes  out. 

LITTON 

Sits  gloomily  by  fire. 
Ah — she  loves  me  not ! 

The  Dean  enters,  humming  a  tune.  He  looks 
about,  and,  seeing  no  one,  speaks  to  himself, 
meanwhile  taking  off  hat,  scarf  and  overcoat, 
placing  these  on  back  of  arm-chair  so  that 
they  fall  over  Litton. 

DEAN 

Most  exciting! — If  the  young  person  in  the 
College  Library  had  not  had  to  hunt  up  Fox's 
Martyrs  for  me — !  Happening  on  the  fiction  shelf 
to  notice  a  copy  of  the  offending  work — 

Takes  novel  from  pocket!,  looks  at  it  dubiously. 

I  casually — er — quite, casually — It  looks  innocu 
ous!  And  yet — by  rights  it  should  be  cast  into 
the  fire — and  yet — I  have  a  mind  to — I  trust  I 
shall  be  undisturbed.  Everybody,  I  trust,  is  occu 
pied!  | 

Looks  about;  goes  up,  gets  screen  and  places 
this  about  head  of  sofa.  Goes  toward  door 
and  draws  curtain  over  it. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  51 

Fanny,  no  doubt,  is  out  with  Lettarblair  or  Meri- 
vale;  Merivale  or  Lettarblair! 

Fetches  palm  from  table  and,  stooping,  sets 
this  in  front  of  sofa.  As  he  rises,  his  head 
strikes  the  palm,  and  he  exclaims,  startled. 

Pinckney! — Ah,  how  stupid  of  me!  Pinckney  is 
buried  in  sermons! — Not  that  I  shun  observa 
tion — 

Strikes  match,  lights  candle,  and  sets  this  on 
piano. 

Still,  if  found,  I  might  be  misunderstood, 
thought  too  advanced;  a  convert  to  views  of  life 
of  which  I  prefer  to  remain  in  ignorance,  or  which 
I  peruse  only  to  abhor ! 

Opening  book,  with  a  long  breath  of  comfort, 
lies  on  sofa  so  as  to  be  screened  from  view. 
The  room  is  dark  except  for  the  firelight. 

LITTON 

Lifting  hat  and  overcoat. 

His  mantle  has  fallen  on  my  shoulders,  and  all 
his  imperfections  on  my  head !  Alas,  poor  Yor- 
ick! 

Smithers  enters,  looking  about  for  some  one. 
Litton  sees  him,  and,  agitated,  gets  behind 
the  chair,  putting  on  the  Dean's  hat,  coat 
and  scarf  to  disguise  himself.  Then,  seiz 
ing  a  book  from  the  mantel-piece,  he  sinks 
down  into  the  chair  as  if  absorbed  in  reading, 
coughing. 


52  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

There's  that  infernal  Smithers  from  Seton  and 
Catesby's!  The  devil  fly  away  with  him! — I'll 
wager  he's  got  a  warrant  for  some  ridiculous 
trifle — and  I  shan't  have  a  penny  till  quarter-day ! 
— Ahem !  Ahem ! 

SMITHERS 

Turns  and  sees  Litton. 

Eh?   The  hold  gent! — Beg  pardon,  your  Rev 
erence,  but  I  want  to  see  Captain  Litton ! 

Litton  coughs  and  mumbles,  affecting  not  to 
hear.  Hyacinth  enters,  and,  seeing  Litton, 
mistakes  him  for  the  Dean. 

HYACINTH 

Rapturously. 

His  sainted  and  never-to-be-mistaken  head! 
SMITHERS 

Stepping  down  front. 

The  hold  gent's  deaf!     Ahem!     Beg  pardon, 
your  Reverence,  but  is  Captain  Litton — 

HYACINTH 

Prodding  Smithers  in  the  back  with  her  para 
sol. 

Hush !     How  dare  you  disturb  the  meditations 

of  this  holy  man ! 

Pointing  to  Litton. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  53 

SMITHERS 
Beg  pardon,  Madam,  but  is  Captain  Litton — 

HYACINTH 

Prodding  Smithers  toward  door. 
In  the  garden ! 

SMITHERS 

Going. 

Beg  pardon,  Madam,  but  I  honly  came  to  col 
lect  a  bill ! 

Exit.     Hyacinth    takes    a   chair   and   places    it 
near  Litton. 

LITTON 

Peeping  over  back  of  arm-chair ;  aside. 

'Tis  Hyacinth,  the  Dean's  beloved ! 

He   sinks  back  as  Hyacinth  turns,  and  again 
reads. 

HYACINTH 

Sitting  and  patting  skirts  into  place,  then  fold 
ing  hands  demurely. 

Forgive  this  worldly  interruption  to  your  pious 
meditations,  Dean ;  but  I  have  taken  this  liberty— 
I  have  come  because  I  desire  to  see  you  on  a  mat 
ter  of  the.  greatest  importance,  Dean — and  alone! 

The  Dean  is  heard  to  snore  slightly. 


54  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

LITTON 

He's  asleep!  By  the  Rock  of  Cashel  I'll  pro 
pose  to  her  for  him,  the  blessed  old  dried  lav 
ender  saint! 

HYACINTH 

I  have  that  to  say  which  is  almost  too  delicate 
for  words! 

LITTON 

Aside. 

The  darlin'  old  soul,  she's  like  the  perfume  of 
faded  rose-leaves ! 

HYACINTH 

I  have  come  to  tell  you  the  story  of  a  young 
girl's  love! 

LITTON 

Aside,  interested. 

If  she  isn't  going  to  do  the  wooing  herself ! 

HYACINTH 

Where  for  myself  I  should  die  silent,  another's 
suffering  has  made  me  bold — and  that  other,  our 
darling,  Dean;  your  niece,  Dean;  my  godchild, 
our  Fanny! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  55 

LITTON 

Exclaiming,   amazed,   then   coughing  again   in 
imitation  of  the  Dean. 

Fanny !  Ahem !  Ahem !   Hem ! 
HYACINTH 

With  concern. 
Dear,  dear,  that  cough  of  yours ! 

LITTON 

Aside. 
'Tisn't  mine ! 

HYACINTH 

But  about  Fanny.  As  you  know,  Dean,  I  have 
watched  her,  loved  her  ever  since  on  Sundays  I 
taught  her  her  little  hymn. 

LITTON 

Aside. 
Faith,  I'm  her  little  Him ! 

HYACINTH 

And  now  our  rose-bud  has  blossomed,  and 
many  have  discovered  that  she  is  fair,  Dean.  Our 
Fanny  has  many  suitors.  One — Merivale — is 
rich,  a  neighbour.  All  have  hoped — you  yourself 
have  hoped  that  she  would  learn  to  care  for  him ! 


56  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

LITTON 

Aside. 
She  needn't.   The  clivvle  will ! 


HYACINTH 

Sighing. 

But  man  proposes — 


LITTON 

Aside. 

Ah,  sometimes  he's  a  long  time  about  it,  dar- 
lin' ! 

HYACINTH 

And  Fanny  loves  Lettarblair  Litton ! 

LITTON 

Amazed,  overjoyed,  tosses  up  his  book.  It  falls 
upon  the  Dean,  who  is  heard  to  waken  with 
an  exclamation. 

Glory,  hallelujah ! 

HYACINTH 

Surprised  at  the  supposed  Dean's  excitement. 
I  assure  you,  Dean!     I  had  it  from  Polly!     If 
only   Fanny  could  be  persuaded   that  the  Cap 
tain's  love  is  disinterested — 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  57 

LITTON 
Faith,  I'll  do  the  persuading  myself ! 

Rushes  at  Hyacinth  and  kisses  her  with  a  re 
sounding  smack.  At  the  moment  the  Dean's 
face,  wearing  a  horrified  expression,  appears 
above  the  screen. 

PlNCKNEY 

Running  in,  pen  in  hand. 

Oh,  Dean !     How  do  you  spell — 

Breaks  off,  with  a  surprised  whistle,  seeing 
Hyacinth  in  the  supposed  Dean's  embrace. 

DEAN 
Pinckney!     How  dare  you  suppose — 

Breaks  off  and  ducks  behind  screen. 


PINCKNEY 

Not  seeing  Dean. 

By — Jove ! 

Exit,  whistling. 

HYACINTH 

Detaching  herself. 

Oh,  Dean!     Oh,  dear,  I  really  must  be  going! 
—Farewell,  beloved!— He  has  declared  himself 

at  last ! 

Runs  off,  leaving  her  parasol. 


58  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

LITTON 

Coughs,  imitating  the  Dean,  till  she  has  gone, 
then  bursts  into  laughter. 

She  loves  me,  bless  her  wayward  little  heart! 
Fanny  loves  me !  Then  why  the  devil  didn't  she 
say  so !  Goodness  knows  I've  asked  her  times 
enough !  Oh,  but  she  has  doubts  of  my  charac 
ter — thinks  I  love  money,  maybe!  Just  as  if  I'd 
ever  been  intimately  enough  acquainted  with  it 
to  squander  my  affections  on  it !  But,  bless  her 

Sits,  smiling  beatifically. 

wayward  little  heart,  all  the  same  she  loves  me ! 
Girls  are  queer  creatures,  though !  I  love  Fanny ; 

Rises  and  moves  about 

I  go  tell  it  to  Fanny !  Fanny  loves  me ;  and 
Fanny  tells  it  to  Polly ;  Polly  mentions  it  to  Hya 
cinth;  Hyacinth  communicates  it  to  the  Dean — 

The  Dean  again  appears  above  the  screen. 

And,  next,  I  suppose,  the  Dean  will  confide  it  to — 

Breaks  off,  catching  sight  of  the  Dean. 

The  devil ! — My  dear  sir !  How  are  ye !  Take  a 
hat,  won't  you  ?  First-rate  thing  after  a  nap ! 

Tosses  hat  to  Dean. 


"And,  next,  the  Dean  will  confide  it  to — The  devil !  "    Page  58 


UNIVERSITY 


THE 

LETTARBLAIR  59 

DEAN 

With  great  dignity,  still  standing  on  sofa,  be 
hind  screen. 

Thank    you,    Lettarblair!      I    was    about    to 
trouble  you  for  it ! 

LITTON 
No  trouble  at  all !   Take  a  coat ! 

Tosses  the  Dean  his  overcoat,  then  sits  in  high 
chair,  laughing. 

DEAN 

Enraged. 

Now,  sir,  perhaps  you  will  explain  your  prepos 
terous  conduct ! 

•He  advances  threateningly  on  Litton,  who  leaps 
up  and  protects  himself  with  a  chair. 

You  have  taken  a  base  advantage  of  my  innocent 
and  intellectual  slumbers  to — 

LITTON 

Seizing  the  hand  with  which  the  Dean  is  ges 
ticulating. 

Uncle  Ambrose !     I  want  to  put  a  question  to 
ye !     Do  you  love  your  niece  ? 


60  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

DEAN 
I  do !    Assuredly  I  do ! 

LITTON 

Now,  that's  a  remarkable  coincidence — for  so 
do  I — and  I  know,  dear  Uncle  Ambrose,  that  you 

love  me! 

DEAN 

Well,  Lettarblair,  I- 

LlTTON 

So  to>  save  ye  the  trouble  of  distributing  your 
affections  you  shall  make  us  one! 

Shakes  the  Dean's  hand  rapturously. 

DEAN 

You  mean — ? 

LITTON 

Interrupting. 

I  do !    You  grasp  it  perfectly !    Then  I  have 
your  permission  to  address  her?     Not  that  I've 

waited  for  it ! 

DEAN 

Doubtfully. 

Ahem !    I  must  consider — I  must  communicate 
with  Seton.     I  must — 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  61 

HYACINTH 

Entering,  looks  about. 

My  parasol — I  left  it — 

i 

DEAN 

Not  seeing  Hyacinth. 

To-night,  at  eight  o'clock,  in  my  library,  Lit 
ton,  yon  shall  satisfy  me  as  to  your  circumstances, 
and  yonr  general — er — desirability  to  become 
my— 

HYACINTH 
My  parasol! — Oh,  there — ! 

Looking  about,  finds  parasol.  Seeing  Dean, 
runs  to  him,  and,  throwing  arms  about  him, 
kisses  him  fondly. 

Beloved ! 

Runs  coyly  off.  The  Dean,  dumfoundcd,  sinks 
into  chair,  while  Litton  laughs  at  him. 

DEAN 

Recovering  breath. 

This  is  all  yonr  fault,  Lettarblair !  Words  can 
not  describe — Words  are  inadequate — inadequate ! 

LITTON 

Imitating  a  kiss. 

Aye !    Actions  speak  louder  than  words ! 


62  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

DEAN 

Enraged,  rising. 
It  is  scandalous,  sir !     Scandalous  ! 

Waves  the  novel  he  holds,  then  suddenly  be 
comes  conscious  of  it  and  tries  to  conceal  it. 

LITTON 

Seizing  the  novel. 

Scandalous   it  is !     Oho !     No  wonder  you're 
ashamed !     Get  along-  with  you,  you  rascal ! 

Pushes  the  Dean  toward  door. 

DEAN 
Dear,  dear!     Misfortunes  never  come  single! 

LITTON 

'Tis  because  you're  single  they  come!     I  con 
gratulate  you  on  your  approaching  marriage ! 

DEAN 

Horrified. 

What,  sir!     You  don't  mean  to  imply  that  the 
contract  you  so  audaciously  entered  into  in  my 

name  is — 

LITTON 

The  lady  sealed  the  contract ! 

Imitates  a  kiss. 

Oh,  but  you're  done  for  entirely ! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  63 

DEAN 

And  I — who  am  so  opposed  to  change !    After 
an  attachment  of  twenty  years — 

LITTON 

Another  year  and  it  would  be  of  age — and  then 

where  are  ye ! 

DEAN 

Pathetically,  wringing  hands. 

I  have  been  kissed ! 

LITTON 

Pulling  Dean  toward  door. 

'Tis  the  devilish  Romeo  ye  are! 

DEAN 
I  have  been  kissed ! 

LITTON 

Throwing  scarf  about  the  Dean's  shoulders. 

Don  Juan  was  a  duffer  to  ye ! 
DEAN 

Hurrying,  trying  to  conceal  novel. 

I  have  been  kissed !     Oh,  Lettarblair !     O  tem 
poral    0  mores!    I  have  been  kissed — kissed — 


64  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

LITTON 
Cheer  up,  ye  fallen  angel ! 

DEAN 
Kissed ! 

Exit. 

LITTON 

I'll  speak  to  Fanny  to-night!  One  minute  I'm 
led  to  think  she  loves  me — the  next  she  loves  me 
not ! — But  I  will  know  to-night — 

Henry  enters,  bringing  lamp,  which  he  sets  on 
table.  He  restores  the  screen  to  its  place, 
then  exit. 

— to-night,  for  I  love  her  more  than — 

JORKINS 

Enters  with  a  letter,  salutes. 
Are  you  here,  Captain? 

LITTON 
Use  your  eyes,  you  old  duffer! 

JORKINS 

Aside. 

Calls  me  "hold  duffer!"  Lord  love  'im !  Just 
like  'is  father ! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  65 

LITTON 
What  are  you  wanting? 

JORKINS 

This  letter,  Captain ! — I  was  at  the  smith's  with 
Kitty  Tyrrell.  She  had  a  shoe  loose,  Captain. 
The  smithy  is  by  the  station — and  hearing  a 
young  man  who'd  come  down  from  London  say 
he  didn't  know  where  to  find  you  to  deliver  this,  I 
brought  it  myself! 

LITTON 
Well,  hand  it  over,  you  old  slow-coach ! 

Snatching  letter. 

JORKINS 

Salutes.    Admiringly,  aside. 

Calls  me  "hold  slow-coach,"  God  bless  'im! 
Just  like  'is  father! 

LITTON 

Absently. 
Loves  me — loves  me  not — 

JORKINS 
Quite  so,  sir !    Beg  pardon,  sir,  but  the  young 


65  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

man  said  it  was  from  the  lawyer's,  so  I  galloped 
all  the  way  from  the  village — 

LITTON 

Wrathfully. 

The  devil  you  did,  on  my  precious  Kitty  Tyr 
rell  !  Go  walk  her  about  till  she  cools  off,  then 
give  her  a  bran  mash  with  a  glass  of  whisky  in  it, 
you  old  scoundrel ! 

JORKINS 
Yes,  sir! 

Admiringly  aside. 

"Hold  scoundrel !"   Just  like  'is  father ! — I'll  give 
the  mare  the  mash,  and  take  the  whisky  myself ! 

LITTON 

Has  read  letter.     Overcome. 

My  God !    What  does  this  mean  ? 


JORKINS 

Salutes. 
Hany  answer,  sir? 


LITTON 
Jorkins,  I'm  a  beggar ! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  67 

JORKINS 

Naturally,  sir! 

Salutes. 
Harry  other  hanswer,  sir? 

LITTON 

Answer?  No!  It's  fate,  I  suppose — and  fate 
is  unanswerable!  At  any  rate  she's  a  woman, 
and  always  has  the  last  word ! 


JORKINS 

Saluting. 

Did  you  say  I  was  to  say  that,  Captain  ? 


LITTON 

I  am  trying  to  make  you  understand,  you  old 
fool,  that  you  can  tell  the  young  man  I  will  go  up 
to  town  at  once,  and  settle  the  whole  of  the  beg 
garly  business !  Pack  up,  and  make  short  work 

of  it! 

JORKINS 

Saluting.     Goes  toward  door. 

Very  well,  sir. 

LITTON 

Calls  after  him. 

Oh,  and  Jorkins,  look  well  after  Kitty  Tyrrell ! 


68  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

JORKINS 

Yes,  sir.   Called  me  hold  fool, 

Salutes   and   goes,   laughing  to   himself  indul 
gently. 

God  bless  'im !  Just  like  'is  father ! 
LITTON 

Alone,  refers  to  letter. 

"Our  client,  the  Heir  of  Crawford,  instructs  us 
to  press  you  for  a  full  and  immediate  payment  of 
your  debt  to  the  Crawford  estate.  We  inclose 
statement  of  particulars,  showing  the  amount  of 
your  indebtedness  at  ten  thousand  pounds — " 

Breaks  off,  repeating. 
Ten  thousand  pounds ! 

Continues. 

"Should  you  want  to  contest  the  claim — " 

Breaks  off,  crushing  letter  between  hands. 

Ugh!  Who  wants  to  contest  their  dirty  claims! 
Every  acre  of  the  land  that  I  possess,  every  far 
thing  of  the  money  that  I  don't,  is  theirs,  so  that 
my  father's  honoured  name  be  cleared !  Poor  old 
Dad,  it  killed  him !  Well,  I'm  harder  to  kill,  as 
every  one  who  has  done  it  has  found  out ! 

Looks  at  letter. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  69 

Confusion  take  the  Heir  of  Crawford!  I  was 
paying  it  off  as  quickly  as  I  could!  We  should 
have  been  quits  in  five  years,  or  less ! 

Again  looks  at  letter. 

"Your  obliged  and  obedient  servants."  Faith, 
the  obligation  isn't  on  my  side.  Why  don't  they 
sign  themselves  "Your  obliged  and  obedient  exe 
cutioners"  ?  Words — words — words !  Let's  see  : 
who  was  it  remarked  that  same? — Hamlet, 

Moves  about,  sits  on  piano  stool,  leaning  elbow 
on  keys  with  discordant  clash. 

or  some  other  gentleman,  like  myself,  reduced  by 
family  afflictions  to  philosophy! — Words?  Hard 
lines,  rather;  for,  being  translated,  it  means  Sell 
out ;  Pay  up ;  Hand  over — Everything !  In  effect, 
Captain  Litton,  you  aren't  a  bit  better  off  than  the 
street-sweeper  to  whom  a  few  minutes  ago  you 
threw  a  light-hearted  sixpence !  Mustn't  give  him 
any  more  sixpences !  How  would  it  feel,  I  won 
der,  for  him  to  throw  me  one ! 

Turns  to  piano,  striking  notes. 
Rising,   takes   coin    from   pocket,   tossing  and 
catching  it,  singing. 

"Here's  to  my  sixpence;  my  jolly,  jolly  sixpence! 
Here's  to  the  sixpence  I  love  as  my  life ! 


70  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

Here's  a  penny  for  to  spend,  and  a  penny  for  to 

lend, 
And  fourpence  to  take  home  to  my  poor  young — " 

Breaks    off    with    sudden    remembrance,    and 
sinks  into  chair. 

Good  Lord  ! — Fanny !  How  can  I  meet  her  now, 
especially  after  what  it  seems  they  say  of  me ! 
How  can  a  fellow  ask  a  girl  to  marry  a  beggar! 
And  Fanny,  of  all  girls !  My  poor  little  Fanny ! 

Merivale  enters  and  stands  watching  Litton  as 
the  latter  sits  with  bowed  head. 

I  only  hope  she  doesn't  care  for  me — for  I  love 
her  far  too  well  to  break  her  heart ! 


MERIVALE 

Sneering. 

You  look  blue,  Litton ! 


LITTON 

Raising  his  head. 

Blood  will  tell,  Merivale ! 

Merivale  goes  up  to  conservatory  and  stands, 
leaning  on  piano,  watching.  Fanny  enters  at 
window,  followed  by  Hyacinth,  who  seats 
herself  at  piano  and  plays  softly.  Polly  en 
ters.  They  are  all  dressed  for  dinner. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  71 

FANNY 

Lingering  near  window,  watching  Litton.   Hap 
pily. 

He  has  read  his  letter.     He  has  come  into  his 

kingdom ! 

LITTON 

To  himself,  letter  in  hand. 

Contest  the  debt  and  compromise?  Old  Seton 
said  it  was  perfectly  feasible ! — Stop  a  bit !  What 
am  I  thinking  of!  I  promised  my  father  on  his 
dying-bed! — On  the  one  hand,  faith  to  my  dead 
father,  and  the  honour  of  his  name — and  on  the 
other,  my  means,  my  land,  and  my  hope  of  win 
ning  Fanny — which  to  me  means  more  than  life ! 

With  resolution. 
And  honour  turns  the  scale ! 

FANNY 

To  herself,  playing  with  a  leaf  of  the  palm. 

To-night,  if  he  loves  me  really  I  shall  know  it ! 
—Ah,  if—! 

LITTON 

To  himself. 

Ah,   Fanny !     If  only  I  dared  speak  to  you ! 


72  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

'Tis  well,  perhaps,  that  you  have  feared  to  bind 
your  life  to  mine! 

FANNY 

To  herself. 

To-night  I  shall  be  the  happiest  woman  in  the 
world — ah,  if — ! 

Buries  her  face  in  the  roses  she  carries. 


LITTON 

To  himself. 

And  yet — if  she  were  a  different  kind  of 
woman — if  she  would  entrust  her  sweet  life  to 
my  keeping — if  she  were  poor  as  I,  I  could  work 
for  her  with  these  two  hands ;  we  could  be  happy 
— ah,  Fanny — if — ! 

He  turns,  and,  seeing  Fanny,  rises  impulsively 
as  if  to  go  to  her.  She  moves  as  if  to  hold 
out  her  arms  to  him.  Then,  suddenly  con 
scious  of  the  letter  in  his  hand,  he  turns  away 
and  sinks  into  the  chair,  his  back  toward  her, 
trying  to  disguise  his  emotion.  Fanny,  be 
wildered,  seems  ready  to  break  down,  but, 
catching  sight  of  the  look  of  triumph  on 
Merivale's  face,  restrains  herself.  Hyacinth's 
music  rises  to  a  crescendo.  Litton  covers  his 
face  with  the  hand  that  holds  the  letter,  and 
the  roses  drop  from  Fanny's  grasp. 

CURTAIN 
END   OF  ACT   I 


ACT  II 

The  interior  of  Captain  Lettarblair  Litton's  quarters  in 
barracks  at  Southampton,  one  week  later.  The  place  is 
partly  dismantled,  showing  evidences  of  confusion  and  pack 
ing,  and  also  the  signs  of  recent  festivities.  A  large  supper- 
table  stands  in  the  middle  of  the  floor,  littered  with  the 
remains  of  a  supper;  bottles  and  glasses  are  standing  about; 
a  wine-cooler  and  a  large  silver  tankard  are  on  the  floor. 
At  the  right  is  a  window  with  cushioned  window-seat ;  be 
yond  this  a  door.  At  the  back  a  curtained  opening  leads  to 
an  inner  room.  To  the  left  is  another  door.  Near  the 
window  stands  a  small  table  with  a  saddle  on  it.  A  red 
waistcoat  lies  on  the  mantel-piece;  a  sword  hangs  on  the 
wall.  By  the  door  on  the  left  is  a  small  desk  littered  with 
papers  and  boxes  of  cigars.  On  the  floor  to  the  right  stand 
a  portmanteau  and  tin  uniform-case  marked  "Captain  Let 
tarblair  Litton,  First  Battalion  Irish  Fusiliers."  Fishing- 
rods,  fur  coat,  pipes  and  miscellaneous  articles  add  to  the 
general  disorder.  A  streak  of  sunlight,  coming  between  the 
closed  window-curtains,  falls  across  the  table,  revealing 
Pinckney  in  mess  uniform,  seated  with  his  back  to  the  audi 
ence,  his  head  on  the  supper-table,  in  a  heavy  sleep.  Jorkins 
is  heard  in  the  inner  room  singing,  "The  hour  was  sad;  I 
left  the  maid,  A  lingering  farewell  taking.  Her  sighs  and 
tears  my  steps  delayed ;  I  thought  her  heart  was  breaking ! 
In  hurried  words  her  name  I  blessed  ..."  Soon  he  en 
ters,  a  pile  of  Litton's  clothes  over  his  arm  and  Litton's 
busby  on  his  head ;  pauses  to  look  at  Pinckney  with  a  head- 
shake,  then  throws  the  clothes  over  a  chair-back,  blows  out 
the  candles  that,  though  almost  burnt  down  to  their  sockets, 
are  still  alight ;  and  draws  the  window  curtains,  letting  in  a 
flood  of  sunshine. 

JORKINS 

"In  hurried  words  her  name  I  blessed; 
I  breathed  the  words  that  bind  me ; 
I  to  my  heart  in  anguish  pressed 
73 


74  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

Folds  and  packs  clothes,  taking  whisky  flask 
from  pocket  of  one  garment,  holding  it  up  to 
light  and  sighing  on  rinding  it  empty. 

The  Girl  I  left  be'incl  me!" 

Takes  off  busby,  presses  it  to  heart  before  pack 
ing  it. 

SMITIIERS 

Entering  cautiously  by  door  on  the  left. 

Where  is  Cap — 

JORKINS 

Looking  up  from  packing. 

Now,  young  man,  who  may  you  be,  pray  ? 

S  MIT  TIERS 

I'm  Smithers,  from  the  office  of  Seton  and 
Catesby,  come  to  collect  a  bill  from  Captain  Lit 
ton.  Where  is  he? 

Crossing  to  the  right,  stumbles  over  bottles, 
stubbing  toes,  and  exclaiming. 

Ouch!   Where's  Captain  Litton? 

JORKINS 

I'm  not  giving  information  to-day,  Mr.  Smith 
ers! 

Aside. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  75 

I'd   like  to  punch   'is   'ead !     Looks    for  all  the 
world  like  a  bit  of  red  tape  'isself ! 

Enter  Litton  in  smoking- jacket,  pipe  in  mouth, 
papers  in  hand. 

LITTON 

Aside,  seeing  Smithers. 

Hullo  !     My  friend  Smithers  ! 
SMITHERS 

Very  loud,  to  Jorkins. 
Where  is  he,  I  say! 

LITTON 
Mr.  Smithers,  you're  a  nuisance! 


SMITHERS 

With  importance. 

I'm  the  law ! 


Same  thing ! 


LITTON 


SMITHERS 


Suddenly  catching  sight  of  Pinckney,  rushes  at 
him  and  shakes  him. 

Ah!      I've  caught   you   at   last! — What's    the 
matter  with  him!     Come,  sir!     Will  you  kindly 


76  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

wake  up  and  pay  me  the  ten  thousand  pounds  you 
owe  to  the  Crawford  estate?  You  promised  to 
pay  to-day!  It's  eleven  now,  and  we  are  in 
formed  that  you  purpose  leaving  England  at 
noon  ! — Come  on,  no  trifling ! 


PINCKNEY 

Sings  drowsily. 
'For  a  frozen  corpse  was  he !" 


LITTON 

Ha,    ha,    ha !      You'd   better   be  careful,    Mr. 
Smithers ! 

S  MIT  HERS 

Frightened. 
Is  he  armed? 

LITTON 
To  the  teeth ! 

JORKINS 

Indicating    Smithers    and    restraining    himself 
with  difficulty. 

I'd  like  to  punch  'is  'ead ! 

PINCKNEY 

Shouts  in  his  sleep. 

"Charge,  Chester,  charge!" 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  77 

LITTON 

Sorting  papers  at  desk. 

Hear  him  say  charge  ?     He's  dreaming  of  a 

lawyer ! 

SMITHERS 

To  Litton,  deferentially. 

What  'd  you  advise  me  to  do,  sir? 

•  LITTON 
I  should  advise  you  to  get  out,  Mr.  Smithers ! 

Smithers  hesitates. 
PlNCKNEY 

Shouts  savagely,  clutching  the  air. 

"Now  could  I  drink  hot  blood !" 
SMITHERS 

Hurrying  toward  door  on  the  left. 

I'll  call  again,  when  he  ain't  so  thirsty! — 
You've  no  idea  how  hard  it  is  to  get  money  from 
this  Captain  Litton ! 

LITTON 

Oh,  yes,  I  have,  Mr.  Smithers!  I've  tried  it 
myself — and  I  can't  get  a  penny! 

Nods  to  Jorkins,  who  laughs. 


;3  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

SMITHERS 
Is  he  a  friend  of  yours,  sir? 

LITTON 
Sure,  but  he  is — a  friend  in  need! 

SMITHERS 
He's  a  precious  blackguard ! 

LITTON 

Infuriated. 

God  knows  I've  abused  him  often  enough  my 
self,  but  I'll  not  hear  anybody  else  do  it,  Mr. 
Sm:  thers ! 

Shaking  fist  at  Smithers. 

SMITHERS 
Oh,  I  s?y!— I'll  call  again! 

Exit  hurriedly. 

JORKINS 

Waving  clothes-brush. 
I'd  like  to  punch  'is  'ead ! 

PlNCKNEY 

Waking. 

"For  he's  a  jolly  good  fellow,  for  he's  a  jolly 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  79 

good   fellow.    He's  a  jolly  good — "    Hullo! — I 
thought  I  was  in  bed ! 

Rising,  sits  on  edge  of  the  table,  with  feet  on 
arm  of  a  chair. 

LITTON 

Bed  !  Bed  for  a  soldier,  indeed  !  Ha,  ha !  No, 
my  boy!  You've  done  the  proper  thing!  You 
camped  on  the  cold,  cold  supper  with  your  mar 
tial  cloak  around  ye!  When  every  one  had  said 
good  night  this  morning  I  found  ye  fast  asleep 
on  the  table,  snoring  a  love-song  to  the  game  pie ! 
I  hadn't  the  heart  to  wake  ye,  so  out  I  went  for 
a  gallop  over  the  downs  and  a  plunge  in  the  sea 
in  your  stead !  Look  at  me,  you  dissipated  ruf 
fian,  you !  I'm  fresh  as  a  daisy ! 

Exit  into  inner  room. 
PlNCKNEY 

A  daisy,  indeed ! 

JORKINS 
Lord  love  'im !    A  daisy !    Just  like  'is  father ! 

PlNCKNEY 

I  don't  believe  I  shall  ever  feel  like  a  daisy 
again ! 

Tries  to  walk. 


80  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

Jorkins,  what's  the  matter  ?  Why  are  my  legs  so 
'fended  with  one  'nother,  won't  walk  same  side 
of  way! 

JORKINS 

Saluting. 
Supper,  sir! 

PlNCKNEY 

Puzzled. 

Supper  ? 

JORKINS 

Saluting. 
Champagne,  sir! 

PlNCKNEY 

Why  supper  ?    Whose  champagne  ? 

JORKINS 

Captain  LittorTs  farewell  dinner  at  the  mess 
last  night,  and  supper  'ere,  in  our  rooms  on  top 
of  it!  Champagne  a-flowing  like — champagne! 
Toasts  proposed !  Glasses  a-clinking !  Cries  of 
"'Ear,  'ear!"  Your  recitations!  Oh,  Lord, 
them  recitations ! — 'Ealths  drunk  to  the  valiant 
officer  and  gallant  gentleman  wot's  leaving  our 
midst ! — 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  81 

LITTON 

Appearing. 

Jorkins ! 

JORKINS 
Yes,  Captain? 

LITTON 
Shut  up! 

Throws  a  pair  of  top-boots  that  he  carries  to 
Jorkins,  and  exit. 

JORKINS 
Yes,  Captain! 

Catches  the  boots  and  packs  them  in  tin  box. 
Picks  np  the  silver  tankard,  polishes  it  on  his 
sleeve  lovingly,  while  talking  in  a  hoarse 
whisper  to  Pinckney. 

And  this  'ere  'andsome  piece  of  silver  as  a  mo 
mentum  of  the  love  of  the  officers  of  the  regi 
ment,  God  bless  'im ! — A  bloomin'  loving-cup ! 

Sets  the  tankard  down  on  floor. 

PINCKNEY 

Ah,  I  remember  now!     He  has  left  the  regi 
ment,  and  I  have  joined  it ! 

JORKINS 
Aye,  sir !    More's  the  pity ! 


82  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

PlNCKNEY 

Sharply. 

Eh!    What's  that? 


JORKINS 

Saluting 

I  mean,  more's  the  pity  he  has  left  it,  sir ! 


PlNCKNEY 

I  embark  for  Bombay  at  noon — 

JORKINS 
It's  past  eleven  now,  sir! 

PlNCKNEY 

Leans  head  on  arm,  heavily. 
— and  at  noon  he  starts  for  Arizona ! 

JORKINS 

And  I  a-packing  up  his  kit  for  the  last  time! — 
Lordy,  it's  a  sad  day  when  the  pride  of  the  regi 
ment  'as  to  sell  out  his  uniform  and  take  to  cattle- 
raising  ! 

LITTON 

Entering. 
Jorkins ! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  83 

JORKINS 

Salutes. 
Yes,  Captain? 

LITTON 
Shut  up ! 

JORKINS 
Yes,  Captain !    But  I  do  feel  like  a  orphan ! 

To  Pinckney,  in  a  hoarse,  impressive  whisper. 

— Sell  'is  uniform  and  take  to  cattle-raising! 

Litton  takes  a  waistcoat  from  the  mantel, 
throws  this  to  Jorkins,  who  catches  it  and 
packs  it  in  tin  box. 

All  right,  Captain !    Lots  of  room  in  your  kit ! 

LITTON 

Glad  to  know  I  have  lots  of  anything  in  my 
kit,  Jorkins! 

JORKINS 

Holding  up  the  fur  coat. 

Will  you  wear  this,  Captain — or  shall  I  pack 
it? 

LITTON 

No.     As  the  currency  of  the  realm  has  given 


84  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

out  we'll  throw  what's  left  us  to  the  sharks ! — 
Let's  see,  now.  To  whom  do  I  owe  the  worth  of 
a  coat  ? 

Refers  to  bills. 
PlNCKNEY 

A  coat  would  seem  naturally  to  revert  to  a 
tailor ! 

LITTON 

Taps  Pinckney  on  head. 

'Tisn't  his  figure,  my  boy,  so  it  hardly  would 
be  fitting,  d'ye  see !  Here's  a  small  sum  owing  to 
the  daily  paper. 

Hands  a  bill  to  Pinckney,  who  passes  it  on  to 
Jorkins. 

Tell  the  fellow  the  coat  will  keep  up  his  circula 
tion  ! 

JORKINS 

Taking  fishing-rods  from  under  saddle. 
This  here  fishing-gear,  sir — ? 

PINCKNEY 
Spare  the  rod ! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  85 

LITTON 
Not  at  all !    Use  it  to  tackle  the  shoemaker  ! 

Checking  off  bills.     Jorkins  drags  tin  box  into 
.   inner  room. 

PlNCKNEY 

Takes    a    soda-water   bottle    and    a    corkscrew 
from  table.     Sits  in  window-seat. 

How  about  Johnson,  the  hatter  ? 

LITTON 

Oh,  we've  choked  him  off  with  the  contents  of 
the  wine-cellar! 

PlNCKNEY 

Lucky  dog! 

LITTON 
Hm !    He  seemed  rather  mad ! 

JORKINS 

Appearing  with  a  statue  of  Venus. 

Haberdasher  sent  back  the  Venus,  Captain! 
He  was  mad  as  the  hatter!  Said  he  wouldn't 
take  her  in  payment  because  she  was  broke! 


86  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

LITTON 

Well,  now,  haberdash  it  all,  I  sent  her  in  pay 
ment  because  I  was  broke ! 

Jorkins  guffaws. 

He  needn't  have  been  annoyed  with  her,   poor 
dear  !    Seeing  she's  quite  armless! 

JORKINS 

Lord  forgive  'im !  'Armless !  Just  like  his 
father ! — I'll  give  her  to  the  charwoman ! 

G6es  out  with  statue. 

LITTON 

Consulting  note-book. 

Now  let's  see  where  we  stand  ! — Amount  due — 
ten  thousand.  In  hand  from  mortgage  on  Glen- 
murra — my  little  bit  of  land  Glenmurra — 

JORKINS 

Entering.    Sadly. 

Glenmurra ! 

LITTON 

Sale  of  stocks,  bonds,  personal  effects — nine 
thousand  eight — two  hundred  to  be  raised  before 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  87 

noon  ! — But  where  to  raise  it !    Jorkins,  you  beg 
gar,  where  shall  I  get  two  hundred  pounds  ? 

JORKINS 

Hesitates,  to  make  sure  that  Pinckney  does  not 
hear. 

Captain — I  served  your  father  before  I  served 

you — 

Again  hesitates. 

— You've  both   of   you  called  me   "hold   idiot" 
often  enough! — But — 

Again  makes  sure  that  Pinckney  does  not  hear. 
— I've  always  been  sensible  enough  hold  idiot  to 
put  by  a  little  something  for  a  rainy  day ! — Cap 
tain — 

More  hesitation. 

— I've  got  over  three  hundred  pound ! 
.     LITTON 

Removes  pipe  from  mouth. 
Jorkins ! 

JORKINS 

Yes,  Captain? 

LITTON 

Sternly. 

Shut  Up! 


88  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

JORKINS 

Hurt. 

Yes,  Captain! 

LITTON 

Suddenly  seizing  Jorkins  by  back  of  neck. 

Do  you  think,  you  dear,  sensible  old  idiot,  that 
I'd  borrow  the  umbrella  you  have  put  up  with  so 
much  trouble,  and  leave  you  to  get  wet  through 
in  your  old  age  ?  Why,  I — I — 

Shaking  Jorkins  gently  to  conceal  emotion. 

JORKINS 
Captain ! 

LITTON 
Well,  Jorkins? 

JORKINS 
Excuse  the  liberty,  Captain,  but — SHUT  UP! 

Litton,  moved,  grasps  Jorkins'  hand  and  turns 
away. 

PlNCKNEY 

At  window,  opens  bottle  with  loud  report  and 
fills  a  glass. 

Ah  !  Litton,  have  you  the  time  ? 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  89 

LITTON 

Exchanging  a  meaning  glance  with  Jorkins. 
The  time,  is  it  ? 

PlNCKNEY 

About  to  drink,  pauses. 
What,  isn't  your  watch  going? 

LITTON 

Stooping,  picks  up  plate  and  bottle  from  floor 
and  sets  them  on  table. 

Gone! 

PlNCKNEY 

Commiseratingly. 

Phew ! 

Drinks. 

JORKINS 

And   his   studs — and   his   pictures — and   his — 
everything ! 

Throws  topcoat  over  arm,  lifts  portmanteau 
from  corner  and  sets  it  on  the  chair,  flinging 
the  coat  over  it  so  that  Litton's  name  is  con 
cealed. 

'E's  got  nothing  left  now  except  me  and  the 
mare  Kitty  Tyrrell ! 


9o  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

LITTON 

Placing  chair  by  the  desk. 

Poor  dear  Kitty,  I  thought  I  might  contrive  to 
keep  her — but  'twill  be  all  I  can  do  to  keep  myself 
going,  without  a  horse!  Come,  boys!  Lend  a 
hand  with  this ! 

Takes  hold  of  supper-table  to  move  it,  Jorkins 
assisting.  Pinckney  runs  to  help.  They  talk 
while  carrying  table  into  inner  room. 

JORKINS 

Sighing. 

Everything  a-going — even  the  mare ! 
LITTON 

Trying  to  conceal  emotion. 

My  beautiful — !     Ah,   as  the  old  song  says, 
"  'Tis  money  will  make  the  mare  to  go !" 

PINCKNEY 

Poor  old  chap !    Well,  you  ought  to  get  a  good 
price  for  her ! 

LITTON 
I'd  sooner  get  her  a  good  master! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  91 

PlNCKNEY 

Macdowell  wants  her  badly ! 

LITTON 

Macdowell  can  stay  wanting  her!  He'd  ride 
her  to  death  inside  a  week,  my  precious  Kitty! 
Besides,  she'd  never  put  up  with  his  language ! 

Enter  Smithers,  left. 

SMITHERS 
I'll  nab  him  this  time,  sure  as — 

LITTON 

Seeing    Smithers,   makes    a    rush   at   him    and 
pushes  him  out. 

Ah,  look  at  him  now,  will  ye! 
SMITHERS 

Struggling. 
Sir,  I  come  from  the  office  of— 

LITTON 
The  devil  ye  do ! 

Bangs  door  and  holds  it. 

Jorkins,  come  and  help  me  keep  out  the  insolence 
of  office  till  I've  raised  two  hundred  pounds!     If 


92  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

I  set  eyes  on  him  again  I  shall  kill  him  for  a  dead 

certainty ! 

PINCKNEY 

Running  to  the  door  and  leaning  against  it. 
And  serve  him  jolly  well  right! 

JORKINS 

Doing  the  same. 
Blooming  right ! 

LITTON 
Two  hundred — 

Running  to  door  right.  Seizes  hat  from  saddle, 
in  passing,  and  sticks  it  on  back  of  head. 
Catching  sight  of  Willoughby,  pauses  at  win 
dow. 

There's  Lord  Willoughby!  I'll  make  him  buy 
the  mare  ! — Willoughby ! — Now  Blarney  befriend 
me ! — Here,  Willoughby ! 

Calls  from  window.     Leaps  into  saddle. 


WILLOUGHBY 

Outside. 
Hullo,  dear  boy ! 

LITTON 

Beckoning. 

Come  over  here!     I  want  to  whisper  to  ye! — 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  93 

Lord,  Willoughby,  if  it's  the  pace  that  kills  you'll 
live  to  be  immortal ! 

SMITHERS 

Outside,  knocks,  and  forces  door  open. 
You  open  this  door,  or  I'll — 

LITTON 
Don't  let  him  in  ! 

SMITHERS 

Forcing    door    open.      Pinckney    and    Jorkins 
thrust  him  out. 

Here !    You — 

PINCKNEY 

Leaning  against  door. 
Bolt  the  door ! 

JORKINS 

Leans  against  door. 
There  ain't  no  bolt,  sir! 

LITTON 

I  say,  Willoughby,  don't  you  want  to  buy  my 
Kitty  Tyrrell  ? 


94  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

JORKINS 

Selling  the  mare!     He'll  sell  me  next! 

PlNCKNEY 

He'd  have  to  give  you  away ! 


WlLLOUGHBY 

Outside. 

Hm !  Why,  do  you  want  to  sell  her  ? 


LITTON 

Eh  !  What !  Want  to !  Is  it  I  ?— I  need  the 
money  !  How  much  will  you  give  ? 

WlLLOUGHBY 

Don't  think  I  want  to  buy  a  horse. 

LITTON 

What,  don't  think  you  want  to  buy  a  horse? 
But  I  know  you  do!  Would  ye  ride  to  the  wars 
on  a  donkey? 

SMITIIERS 

Forces  door  open. 

I  insist — 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  95 

PlNCKNEY  AND  JORKINS 

Turning,  close   door,   wedging   Smithers'   head 
in. 

Do  you,  now ! 

SMITHERS 

Half-strangled. 

Ow! 

LITTON 

To  Willoughby. 

Never  mind  him !     Only  an  impudent  rascal  of 
a  lawyer's  clerk ! 

SMITHERS 

In  strangled  tones. 
Captain  Litton,  I  insist  on  seeing  you ! 

LITTON 
Well,  haven't  ye  any  eyes  in  your  head  ? 

PlNCKNEY 

Ha,  ha,  they'll  pop  out  in  a  minute ! 

SMITHERS 

Thrusts  left  hand  in. 
Are  yon  Captain  Litton  ? 


96  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

LITTON 
Faith,  I'm  a  speaking  likeness  of  him ! 

SMITHERS 
I  represent  Seton  and  Catesby  and  I — 

Shouts  as  Jorkins  strikes  down  his  hand  and 
kicks  him  out. 

LITTON 

Eh,  Willoughby?  Send  him  about  his  busi 
ness?  I'm  his  business  at  the  minute! — So  I  will, 
dear  boy,  as  soon  as  you  pay  me  for  the  mare! 
How  much  do  you  bid  ? 

SMITIIERS 
I  say — 

Pushes  door  open  with  such  force  that  Pinck- 
ney  and  Jorkins  are  thrown  forward  on  to 
the  desk.  He  braces  door  open  with  hands 
and  feet,  leaning  back  against  frame. 

I'd  have  you  know,    sir,   that   my  time's  worth 
money ! 

LITTON 

Right  you  are !  So's  mine.  That's  why  I  sold 
my  watch ! 


I  represent  Seton  and  Catesby,  and  I — "     Page  96 


UNIVERSITY 

OF 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  97 

JORKINS   AND   PlNCKNEY 

Turning  on    Smithers,   Jorkins   striking   down 
his  hands. 

Out  with  him ! 

They  slam  the  door  and  hold  it. 

LITTON 

Well,  Willoughby,  name  your  price!  What's 
that  I  hear !  One  hundred  and  fifty — 

JORKINS 

Disgusted. 

One  hundred  and  fifty  for  a  mare  like  that! 
Why,  her  tail's  worth  the  money! 

LITTON 

You're  daft,  my  boy!  It's  worth  that  to  look 
at  her !  I  want  you  to  have  her,  Willoughby,  be 
cause  you'll  treat  her  well !  I  know  you  of  old, 
Willoughby !  You'd  take  the  bit  from  your  own 
mouth  to  put  it  into  your  horse's ! 

JORKINS 

With  feeling. 
That  he  would,  bless  him! 


98  CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

LITTON 
Come,  make  it  two  hundred ! 


JORKINS 

In  despair, 

Two  hundred  for  a  mare  like  that ! 


LITTON 

Two  gentlemen  behind  me  are  bidding-  at  fast 
and  furious  rates! 

Aside  to  Pinckney  and  Jorkins. 

— Bid,  hang  you ! 

JORKINS 

Rushing  about,  excited. 
Six  'undred — 

LITTON 
Six  hundred — 

JORKINS 

Lifts   up  a   chair  and  sets  it   down  with  em 
phasis. 

If  I  'adit! 

LITTON 

Six  hundred — going  at  six  hundred  ! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR  99 

PlNCKNEY 

Running  forward. 

A  thousand ! 

LITTON 
A  thousand ! 

PlNCKNEY 

If  I  could  beg,  borrow,  or  steal  it! 

LITTON 
A  thousand  I  am  bid !     Going  at  a  thousand — 

As   Pinckney  leaves  the  door  Smithers  stum 
bles  in  with  a  jerk. 


SMITHERS 

Angrily. 

Drat  it ! 

Recovers  balance  and  advances. 


LITTON 

— At  a  thousand  ! 

Sees  Smithers. 

Ah,  Mr.  Smithers!     What  do  you  bid? 
SMITHERS 

Angrily  shaking  his  cane. 

I  bid  you  pay  this  money,  sir ! 


ioo         CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

LITTON 
Ha,  ha !     Look  at  the  repartee  of  him ! 

PlNCKNEY    AND    JORKINS 

Seize  Smithers  and  run  him.  He  blocks  his 
own  exit  with  cane;  accordingly  they  pull 
him  back  a  few  steps. 

Ha,  ha ! 

LITTON 

Three     hundred     to     you,     Willoughby,     and 
Smithers  thrown  in ! 

JORKINS  AND  PINCKNEY 

They  throw  Smithers  out  and  slam  door,  then 
lean  against  it. 

And  Smithers  thrown  out ! 

LITTON 
Well,  then,  make  it  two-sixty! 

JORKINS 

Outraged. 

Two-sixty  for  a  mare  like  that ! 

LITTON 

Come,  now,  you  know  you're  getting  her  for  a 
song! 


Well,  then,  make  it  two-sixty!  "     Page  /< 


OF   THE 

\   UNIVERSITY   J 

ILlFORHil 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          101 

JORKINS 

A  song!     Why  she's  worth  a  whole  blooming 

hopera ! 

PINCKNEY 

Aye!     Including  the  chorus  ! 

WlLLOUGHBY 

Can't  sing,  dear  boy ! 

LITTON 

Well,  now,  Willoughby,  you  shall  have  her  for 
two  hundred  and  fifty  if  you'll  refrain  from  re 
fraining!  Two  hundred  and  fifty  pounds  for  the 
sweetest  thing  in  the  world,  .with  her  white  stock 
ings  and  her  new  shoes, — and  a  saddle  that  would 
cost  you  twenty  guineas  into  the  bargain ! 

Jumps  off  saddle  and  holds  it  up  at  window. 

JORKINS 

In  despair. 

Now  he's  going  to  sell  the  saddle! 

LITTON 

The  loveliest  saddle!  Many's  the  time  it  has 
borne  me  on  her  back ! 


102          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

JORKINS 

Almost  crying. 

She  was  born  with  that  saddle! 

LITTON 

Good-bye  to  your  jibes,  Kitty!  Your  flashes  of 
merriment  that  were  wont  to  set  the  stable  in  a 
roar !  Going  at  two  hundred — 

JORKINS 
Two  'undred  for  a  'orse  like  that ! 

LITTON 

Think  of  her!  A  coat  like  sealskin !  Think  of 
her  sire — her  dam  ! 

PlNCKNEY    AND    JORKINS 

They  lift  their  hands,  as  if  this  were  the  cli 
max,  and  in  so  doing  move  slightly  from  the 
door.  Smithers  opens  it,  at  which  they  turn, 
as  if  on  a  pivot,  and  fall  against  it,  with  an 
exclamation  of  triumph. 

LITTON 

At  window,  to  Willoughby. 

She  loves  a  soldier ! 

Again  leaps  into  saddle. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR         103 

JORKINS 

That  she  does,  God  bless  her! 

LITTON 
And  adores  a  fight ! 

JORKINS  AND  PINCKNEY 

Excited. 

A  fight,  ha,  ha ! 

LITTON 

Seizes  a  pen  and  uses  this  as  if  it  were  a  whip, 
grasping  the  table-cover  like  reins. 

She  can  run  a  mile  in  one-thirty ! 

JORKINS 
No,  no  !     One-twenty ! 

LITTON 
Which  is  convenient  if  you  get  licked! 

PINCKNEY  AND  JORKINS 
Licked !     Never ! 

LITTON 

She'll  jump  six  feet  in  the  air,  if  you're  vic 
torious  ! 


104          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

PlNCKNEY    AND    JORKINS 

Jumping  wildly  into  the  air. 
Hurrah !    Victorious ! 

WlLLOUGHBY 

Outside. 
Sixteen  hands,  d'ye  say? 

LITTON 

What?     Aye,  sixteen  hands  and  every  one  of 
them  a  dream  and  all  her  legs  a  poem ! 

JORKINS 
I  shall  cry  in  a  minute ! 

LITTON 
Come,  say  two  hundred !     Going,  going — 

SMITHERS 

Pushing  door  open. 

No,  sir,  I'm  not  going  until — 

Jorkins  and  Pinckney  slam  the  door,  shutting 
him  out. 

LITTON 

Jumping  off  saddle  and  throwing  it  out  of  win 
dow. 

Qone ! — Kitty  Tyrrell  knocked  down  to  Lord 


"  Kitty  Tyrrell  knocked  down  to  Lord  Willoughby  "      Page  104 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR         105 

Willoughby  at  two  hundred  pounds ! — The  first 
time  I  ever  knocked  down  a  lady  in  all  my  life ! — 
All  right,  Willoughby,  throw  the  notes  up  here; 
I'll  catch  'em ! — 

To  Jorkins  and  Pinckney. 
— Let  him  in ! 

PINCKNEY  AND  JORKINS 

They  open  the  door  wide  suddenly,  so  that 
Smithers  falls  forward  on  the  floor,  his  head 
in  front  of  the  tiger  rug.  Jorkins  and  Pinck 
ney,  in  their  endeavors  to  arrest  him,  them 
selves  fall  on  top  of  him.  They  rise  im 
mediately  and  assist  Smithers,  who  is  greatly 
frightened  at  seeing  the  tiger's  head,  and 
place  him  in  chair. 

In  with  you! 

LITTON 

Catching  bundle  of  bank-notes  at  window. 
Thanks,  old  man ! 

Runs  to  Smithers  and  thrusts  these  into  his 
right  hand. 

There's  the  money  you're  so  hungry  for !  I  wish 
you  were  the  Heir  of  Crawford  himself  that  it 
might  choke  you !  Much  good  'twill  do  ye,  ye 
limb  of  the  law !  It's  blood  money,  that's  what  it 
is !  And  here's  the  rest  of  the  ten  thousand 
pounds ! 


io6          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

Goes    to    desk,    fetches    more    bank-notes    and 
thrusts  them,  into  Smithers'  hands. 

— Ah,  'tis  suffocated  ye  are!    Here,  take  a  drink! 


Takes  bottle   from   cooler   on   floor   and   gives 
this  to  Smithers. 


Take  a  ciear ! 


Gets  box   of   cigars   from   desk  and   thrusts 
this  into  his  arms. 


JORKINS 

Getting  a  cigar  from  the  box  and  thrusting  it 
into  Smithers'  mouth. 

Yes,  take  a  cigar ! 

LITTON 

Picking  up  Smithers'  hat  and  smashing  it  over 
his  eyes. 

Take  your  hat ! 

PlNCKNEY 

Giving  the  hat  an  extra  smash. 

Yes,  take  your  hat ! 

LITTON 

Thrusting   Smithers'   cane   under  his  arm. 

Take  your  cane — Take  a  pauper's  blessing,  and 
the  devil  take  you ! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          107 

Goes  up  to  supper-table  and  gets  a  bottle  of 
champagne. 

Now,   Jorkins,   you   old   orphan;    Pinckney,    my 
warrior — a  toast !  A  toast ! 

PINCKNEY  AND  JORKINS 

Going  up  to  table. 

A  toast !    A  toast ! 

Pinckney  brings  one  glass,  Jorkins  two. 

LITTON 

Knocking  off  head  of  bottle  and  pouring  out 
wine. 

Here's  to  my  having  paid  all  I  owe!  And 
here's  good  faring  to  a  beggar  who,  having  sold 
even  his  horse,  will  have  to  follow  mounted  beg 
gars  afoot !  Hip,  hip,  hoorah  ! 

Taking  glass  from  Jorkins,  drinks.  Pours 
wine  over  Smithers,  who,  in  trying  to  dodge 
it,  stumbles  over  tiger's  head. 

JORKINS 
Hoorah ! 

PINCKNEY 
Hoorah ! 

PINCKNEY  AND  JORKINS 
For  he's  a  jolly  good  fellow, 


loS          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

For  he's  a  jolly  good  fellow, 
For  he's  a  jolly  good  fellow, 
And  so  say  we  all  of  us ! 

LITTON 

And  now  I'll  go  change  my  coat! — Jorkins,  get 
a  receipt  from  him. 

Laughing,  shakes  fist  at  Smithers.  Throws 
glass  on  supper-table  in  passing,  and  exit. 
Smithers  also  follows  Litton,  but  is  con 
fronted  by  Pinckney  as  the  latter  turns,  and, 
frightened,  backs,  bumps  into  Jorkins,  who 
is  removing  the  rugs.  In  terror  he  jumps 
aside  and  sits  in  chair,  hugging  bottle  and 
box  of  cigars. 


.   JORKINS 

Dismally. 
For  he's  a  jolly  good  fell — 

Suddenly  catching  sight  of  Smithers,  hoists 
him  by  his  collar  and  propels  him  toward 
door. 

'Ere!     You  come  on  and  give  us  that  bloomin' 
receipt ! 

In  passing  the  cooler  he  unconsciously  kicks  it 
on  Smithers'  toes  at  every  step,  Smithers  ex 
claiming. 

We're  off  to  India,  bloomin'   'ot!     He's  off  to 
Harizona,  bloomin'  cold !     There  ain't  no  bloom- 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          109 

in'  comfort  in  this  bloomin'  world.     'Ere,  come 
on  and  give  us  that  receipt ! 

Kicks  Smithers  off,  then  the  cooler,  and  exit, 
closing  door. 

PlNCKNEY 

Wipes  chair  with  napkin  which  he  finds  hang 
ing  over  its  back.  Sits,  stretching  out  legs 
and  contemplating  them  admiringly. 

Ha,  ha!  I  wonder  if  Polly  will  admire  my 
uniform!  Strange  that  the  adoration  I  used  to 
feel  for  Fanny  is  unchanged — only  its  present  ob 
ject  is  called  Polly! 

Knock  at  door. 

Come  in ! 

Knock  repeated. 
Come  in,  hang  you  ! 

Runs  to  door  and  throws  it  open  with  such  vio 
lence  that  the  handle  comes  off  in  his  hand. 

DEAN 

Outside,  reproving. 
Pinckney ! 

PlNCKNEY 

Oh,  Lord!    The  Dean! 

Drops  handle  by  door  and  runs  off  into  inner 
room,  closing  curtains  behind  him.  Enter 
the  Dean,  Hyacinth,  Polly  and  Merivale. 


i  io          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

HYACINTH 
Here  we  are  at  last ! 

POLLY 

Advancing,  unconsciously  pushing  the  handle 
a  few  feet  from  the  door. 

So  these  are  a  soldier's  quarters ! 

JORKINS 

Entering,  gleefully  rubbing  hands. 
Ha,  ha !  I  'avc  punched  'is  'ead ! 

Nearly  collides  with  Hyacinth.    Salutes. 

Beg  pardon,  ma'am !    Your  servant,  your  Rever 
ence  and  Ladies ! 

Eyes  Merivale  with  suspicion. 

DEAN 

Good   morning,   Jorkins!      Where   is    Captain 
Litton  ? 

POLLY 
Where  is  Mr.  Pinckney? 


JORKINS 

Sadly. 

Captain  Litton  ain't  no  more ! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          in 
ALL 

Amazed. 
What? 

HYACINTH 

You  mean — dead ! 

Sinks  into  chair. 

JORKINS 

No,  no  !    He  ain't  captain  no  more ! 
ALL 

Amazed. 
What ! 

MERIVALE 

Lolling  in  window  seat. 

Humph ! 

JORKINS 

Moving  table  away  from  window,  and  setting 
it  against  wall. 

I  will  announce  you  to  the  captain-as-was ! 

HYACINTH 
Not  captain  any  more ! 

MERIVALE 
Perhaps  he  was  obliged  to  send  in  his  papers ! 


ii2          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
POLLY 

Has  picked  up  the  tankard  and  examined  it. 

This  sounds  like  it ! 

"To  Captain  Litton  on  his  retirement  from  the 
Irish  Fusiliers  with  the  love  of  his  brother  offi 
cers" — Look! 

Carries  it  to  Hyacinth. 

HYACINTH 

Taking  tankard,  reads. 

"Gallant  charge  against  Arabi  Pasha,  Abu 
Goum."  What  chivalry! 

Passes  tankard  to  Dean. 

DEAN 

Reads. 

Dear  me — "Crossed  the  Irrawaddy  with  des 
patches,  with  bullets  whizzing  round  him !"  Just 

like  him ! 

JORKINS 

Just  like  'is  father ! 

Exit,  drawing  curtains  sharply  behind  him. 

MERIVALE 

Impressively. 

All  the  same,  to  my  mind  his  leaving  the  army 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          113 

looks    suspicious — and,    mark    my    words,    you 
won't  get  at  the  truth  of  the  story ! 

Enter  Litton. 

LITTON 

Throws  arms  about  Dean. 

Ah,  Uncle  Ambrose ! 

DEAN 
My  dear  boy ! 

HYACINTH 

With  extended  hand. 

The  hero  of  Rangoon ! 

LITTON 

Kissing  her  hand. 

Dear  lady — such  as  you  make  heroes  of  mere 

men! 

POLLY 

We've  come  to  bid  Percy  and  you  God-speed ! 

LITTON 
Polly,  my  angel ! 

Takes  tankard  from  Dean  and  sets  it  on  desk. 

MERIVALE 
I  had  a  fancy  to  see  the  last  of  you,  Litton ! 


ii4          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
LITTON 

Kissing  hand  to  him. 

God  bless  ye,  Merivale ! 

DEAN 

But,   Lettarblair,  what  is  this  I  hear!     Why 
have  you  left  the  service  ? 

HYACINTH 

Going  to  chair,  sits. 
Yes,  why? 

MERIVALE 

Sneering. 

Yes,  why? 

LITTON 

To  Dean. 

Well,  sir,  the  fact  is,  a  sudden  drain  on  my  re 
sources  has  left  me  an  amiable  pauper ! 

DEAN  AND  HYACINTH 
A  pauper ! 

POLLY 

Aside. 

Oh!   With  ten  thousand  pounds  in  his  pocket! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          115 
DEAN 

Ah,  that  explains  the  note  you  left  for  me  the 
day  you  left  Beechwood  so — er — hurriedly  ! 

Taking  note  from  pocket,  and  reading  from  it. 

"Altered  circumstances  compel  me  to  beg  for  a 
postponement  of  our  interview — " 

HYACINTH 

\Yill  you  not  tell  us  the  cause  of  your  altered 
circumstances  ? 

LITTON 

Well,  no,  please.  I  don't  care  to  talk  about  it 
— save  to  assure  you  'tis  nothing  I  need  blush 
for! 

MERIVALE 

Insultingly. 

Except,  perhaps,  with  an  inherited  blush ! 
LITTON 

Determined  not  to  quarrel  with  him. 

I'll  leave  ye  a  blush  in  my  will,  Merivale,  since 

nature  neglected  to  provide  for  ye ! 

Aside. 


Aside,  shocked. 


116          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

Confound  him,  can  he  have  heard  of  my  father's 
troubles  ? 

Aloud,  striving  to  speak  jauntily. 

I'm  off  to  Arizona  this  blessed  hour! 

POLLY 
With  Fanny's  money! 

LITTON 
I'm  going  on  a  cattle-ranch ! 

DEAN 
Arizona !    Well,  well ! 

HYACINTH 
A  cattle  ranch  !   Dear,  dear ! 

LITTON 

An  old  comrade  of  mine  has  made  a  pot  of 
money  there!  I've  got  youth  and  strength — and 
the  sweetest  liver  ye  ever  set  eyes  on  in  all  your 
life! 

HYACINTH 

Quite  shocked. 

Oh,  Lettarblair! 

Polly  goes   over   to   Litton   on   his   left,   as   if 
striving  to  solve  the  puzzle. 


Amazed. 


Rather  shocked. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          117 
MERIVALE 

Rising  ponderously. 

Hope  you  won't  find  you've  mistaken  your  call 
ing,  Litton ! 

DEAN 

Mr.  Merivale!     The  captain's  honourable  rec 
ord 

Points  to  tankard. 

bespeaks  his  success  in  his  bucolic  venture ! 

MERIVALE 

Oh,  if  everything  is  to  be  measured  by  a  man's 

military  experience — 

Shrugging  shoulders. 

LITTON 

Yet  some  men  get  on  who  are  neither  military 
nor  civil,  Merivale ! 

DEAN 
Gentlemen  !    Lettarblair,  I  beg — 

MERIVALE 

Still,  you  must  admit  it  is  rather  a  come-down ! 
—Cattle ! 


n8         CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

LITTON 

Hotly. 

God  knows  'tis  never  a  dumb  beast  yet  from 
whom  I've  had  the  unkind  word,  Merivale,  and — 

Hyacinth  gives  a  slight  shriek. 

DEAN 

Rising. 

Gentlemen !   Gentlemen !   Let  us  have  peace ! 

MERIVALE 

Swaggers  to  door. 

I  must  be  off !   I  left  Fanny  with  the  Colonel's 
wife !    I  promised  to  call  for  her ! 

LITTON 

Airily. 

Hope   you   won't   find   you've   mistaken   your 
calling,  Merivale! 

Merivale  gives  him  a  black  look.    Exit. 
Enter    Pinckney,    in    full    uniform,    with   great 
display,  saluting  on  all  sides.    All  exclaim. 

PINCKNEY 
How  do  you  like  my  uniform  ? 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          119 
POLLY 

Admiringly. 
Oh,  Percy,  it  is  beautiful — and  so  becoming! 

Dean  and  Hyacinth  murmur  assent. 

PlNCKNEY 

I  cut  a  better  figure  this  way  than  copying  ser 
mons,  eh,  Dean? 

DEAN 

Pinckney !  The  pen,  sir,  we  are  told,  is  might 
ier  than — 

PINCKNEY 

Aye,  but  I'll  lay  you  anything  you  please  I 
shall  make  my  mark  better  with  the  sword !  And 
I  shall  have  a  chance  to  try  my  hand  at  it !  The 
orderly  officer  of  the  day  has  just  galloped  into 
the  square  with  a  despatch  from  the  general  of 
the  district,  and — 

Noise  heard  outside. 

— there's  quite  an  excitement ! 

Goes  to  window. 

POLLY 

Runs  to  window. 
Oh,  let's  see! 

Sits  in  upper  end  of  window-seat. 


120          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
HYACINTH 

Going  to  window  and  stands,  looking  out. 

Dear,  dear! 

DEAN 

Following  Hyacinth. 
What  is  it  all  about? 

LITTON 

Detaining  Dean. 

Dear  Uncle  Ambrose — I  shall  be  off  to  Liver 
pool  in  a  few  minutes,  and  then — across  the  seas ! 
I  asked  you  to  postpone  our  interview  concern 
ing-  Fanny  till  I  could  rid  myself  of  a  debt! 
But  nothing  can  change  my  love  for  her !  Believe 
that!  Nothing!  I  am  going  to  try  to  earn  at 
least  a  decent  living  in  the  hope  that  some  day  I 
may  persuade  her  to  share  it  with  me! 

DEAN 

Well,  well,  Lettarblair,  there  is  no  hurry! 
Why  not  make  it  a  matter  of  mutual  contempla 
tion  for  a  period — say  for  ten  years ! 

LITTON 

Overcome. 
Ten  years — Fanny! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR         121 

DEAN 

There  is  Scriptural  authority!  Jacob  served 
twice  seven  years  for  his  Rachel ! 

LITTON 

Sure,  then,  Jacob  was  no  Irishman,  or  he'd 
have  taken  his  Rachel  at  the  other  end  of  the 
bargain ! 

DEAN 

Well,  well !     I  suppose  young  people  will  be 

young  people! 

Indulgently. 

LITTON 

Ah,  Uncle  Ambrose — but  only  while  they're 
young ! 

HYACINTH 

Ambrose !     We're  going  out  to  see  what  it  all 

means ! 

Moving  toward  door. 

DEAN 

Taking  hat  from  top  of  portmanteau  where  he 
placed  it  on  entering,  he  gives  Hyacinth  his 
arm,  and  leads  her  out. 

Allow  me  to  attend  you ! 


122          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
POLLY 

Running  to  Litton. 
In  undertone. 

Lettarblair — Don't  fail  to  see  Fanny! — You 
owe  her  an  explanation!  She's  very  angry  with 
you! 

Runs  to   Pinckncy  who   is  waiting  for  her  at 
door,  takes  his  arm.     They  go  out. 

LITTON 

To  'himself. 

Angry — Fanny — with  me!  Perhaps  that's  a 
sign  of  affection — but  I'd  a  handful  sooner  have 

the  thing  signified! 

Sees  Willoughby  from  window. 

Hullo,  Willoughby!     Have  you  seen  Kitty  Tyr 
rell? 

WILLOUGHBY 

Outside. 
Yes ;  she's  a  fine  mare,  my  boy ! 

Enter  Smithers  in  a  battered  condition. 

SMITHERS 
Captain  Litton — 

LITTON 

At  window. 
Isn't  she  a  beauty! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          123 

SMITIIERS 
Captain  Litton— 

LITTON 

Twas  thanks  to  her  I  got  out  of  my  last  en 
gagement  at  Khartoum  with  half  a  whole  skin! 

SMITIIERS 
Captain  Litton,  sir,  I— 

LITTON 
She's  worth  a  fortune  !    A  fortune  ! 

SMITIIERS 

%  :"s^.,- 

A  fortune,  eh? — Captain  Littow^our  servant 
has  violently  assaulted  my  person!  He  has 
struck,  pinched,  kicked  and  otherwise  injured 
my  tenderest — 

Reaching  out  to  grasp,  hold  of  Litton. 

LITTON 

"  "^W-*. 
To  Willoughby. 

Eh? — I'll  come  clown:'to  you! 

Leaps  out  of  window. 


124          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
SMITHERS 

Baffled. 
Why — where  is  he ! — 

Looks  out  of  window. 

Oh,  there — !     Captain  Litton,  I  require  compen 
sation  !   I — 

LITTON 

Outside. 

Oh,  go  to  the  devil ! 

SMITHERS 

Very  well,  sir !    I  will  wait  here  till  you  return, 
like  patience  on  a  window-sill ! 

Sits  on  sill,  hidden  by  curtains. 
Enter  Merivale  and  Fanny. 

FANNY 

Breathlessly. 

Quick,  quick !    I  saw  Captain  Litton  out  there ! 
I  wish  to  avoid  him  ! — Why — you  said — 

Looks  about  surprised. 

Where  are  they  all? 

MERIVALE 

They  must  have  just  stepped  outside!     They'll 
be  back  directly !   Better  wait ! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          125 
FANNY 

Hesitatingly. 

You  are  sure — these  are  Pinckney's  rooms? 

MERIVALE 

Of  course!     Come,  Fanny!     You  never  give 
me  a  chance  to  talk  to  you  alone ! 

FANNY 

You  know  I — 

Moves  toward  door. 

MERIVALE 

Oh,  if  you  want  to  put  yourself  in  the  way  of 
meeting-  Litton ! — 

FANNY 

No,  no  ! — I — No,  no ! 

Deciding  to  remain. 
Anything  but  that ! — 

To  herself. 

Surely  he  gave  some  reason  for  wanting  to  go  to 
Arizona ! 

MERIVALE 

Shrugging  shoulders. 

When  a  fellow  is  up  to  the  ears  in  debt— 


126          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
FANNY 

Impossible!    I  know — I  am  sure  that  he  has 
the  wherewithal  to  pay  his  debts ! 

MERIVALE 

My  dear  child,  it  does  not  therefore  follow  that 
he  pays  them !     Can  nothing-  convince  a  woman's 

reason  ? 

FANNY 

To  herself. 

Nothing,  when  her  heart  tells  another  story! 
SMITHERS 

Peeping  out. 

He  has  struck,  pinched,  kicked,  and  otherwise 
injured  my  tenderest — 

MERIVALE 
Hullo  !  Who  are  you  ? 

SMITIIERS 

I  beg  pardon,   sir!     I'm  waiting  for  Captain 
Litton!    Is  he  a  friend  of  yours? 

MERIVALE 
No,  indeed,  the  fellow  is  no  friend  of  mine! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          127 

S  MIT  HERS 

You  may  congratulate  yourself,  sir!  I  have 
never  had  to  collect  a  debt  from  a  more  rascally 
scapegrace ! 

MERIVALE 

Pleased,  watching  the  effect  on  Fanny. 

Come,  come,  that's  a  strong  statement ! 

FANNY 

Captain  Litton  is  an  honourable  man!  I  am 
sure  that  he  will — 


S  MIT  HERS 

An  honourable  man!    Look  at  the  money  he 
squanders  at  my  client's  expense ! 

Opens  curtains,  disclosing  supper-table. 

Honourable !   When  I  myself  heard  him  boasting 
of  his  engagement  to  a  lady  of  large  fortune ! 

Fanny  involuntarily  exclaims. 
Ah,  you  know  the  Captain ! 


FANNY 

No!     I — I  have  never  known  him! 


128          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

SMITHERS 

Well,  I  haven't  finished  with  him  yet! — I'll 
call  again ! 

At   door   turns   back   and   stares   at    Merivale, 
who  returns  the  stare.     Aside, 

Now  where  have  I  seen  him  before! — Ha,  I  re 
member — in  the  Bank  of  Burmah ! — 

Exit,  muttering. 

He  has  struck,  pinched,  kicked,  and  otherwise  in 
jured  my  tenderest — 

MERIVALE 

Going  to  Fanny. 

Fanny,  why  do  you  trouble  yourself  about  a 
fellow  like  Litton!  Why  not  give  me  the  right 
to  protect  you ! 

FANNY 

I  shall  never  marry  any  one ! 

Rises. 

MERIVALE 
Because  you  love  him ! 

FANNY 

I  will  tell  you  what  I  have  never  told  him— 
that  I  have  loved  him  better  than  my  life ! 

Goes  to  window. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          129 
MERIVALE 

Following  her,  eagerly. 
But  now — knowing  him  for  what  he  is  ? 

FANNY 
I  love  the  man  I  thought  him  to  he ! 

MERIVALE 
Then  if  he  again  asks  you  to  marry  him — ? 

FANNY 
He  would  never  dare! 

MERIVALE 

He?    Of  course  he  will!    You  know  I  advised 
you  not  to  come  to-day! 

FANNY 

Facing  on  him. 

What  do  you  mean ! 

MERIVALE 

The  Dean — every  one  expecting  it — it  is  forced 
upon  him ! 


130         CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

FANNY 
Oh!— I'll  go  home!— I'll  tell  them  I  feel  ill! 

MERIVALE 

I'll  take  you  myself! — Wait  here  while  I  get 
the  carriage — I'll  only  be  a  minute — 

Hurried  exit. 

FANNY 

Going  to  window. 

Oh,  oh,  oh !  As  soon  as  he  had  money  he  went 
away — only  leaving  this  letter  for  me — that  was 
waiting  for  him! 

Taking  letter  from  breast  reads. 

"A  sudden  change  in  my  fortunes  takes  me 
from  you!  I  dare  not  ask  you  to  marry  me  just 
yet! — Perhaps  in  a  year  or  two — Fanny,  dear, 
will  you  not  wait  for  me?  Your  lover,  Lettar- 
blair?"— Oh,  oh,  oh! 

Sits.   Polly  and  Pinckney  enter,  breathless. 

POLLY 

Agitated. 
Oh,  Fanny — they  say  there  may  be  war ! 

Sinks  into  window-seat. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          131 

PlNCKNEY 

I  might  be  shot — or  lose  a  leg!  Polly,  how 
could  you  stand  having  a  wooden  leg  attached  to 
you  for  life? 

POLLY 
Why  not?     You  already  have  a  heart  of  oak! 

Bravely. 
There,  there — 

Rises,  and  pushes  him  off  into  inner  room. 
Go  finish  your  packing! 

Goes  half-crying  to  Fanny. 

Oh,  Fanny — how  hard  it  is  to  part  with — those 
you  love,  and  not  know  if  you  will  ever  see  them 
again ! 

FANNY 

Half-crying. 

Yes,  Polly — but  it  is  hardest  of  all  to  realise 
that  you  ought  not  to  have  loved  them,  and  to 
pray  that  you  may  never  see  them  again ! 

POLLY 

What  is  it,  dear?  Has  not  Lettarblair  ex 
plained  about  the  money  ? 


132          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
FANNY 

I  will  not  give  him  the  opportunity !  He  is  un 
worthy  of  it ! 

POLLY 

I  don't  believe  he  took  it!  He  received  the  or 
der — and  he  left  Beechwood  immediately — but 
that  doesn't  prove  he  made  use  of  it ! 

FANNY 
Oh,  Polly,  do  you  really  believe  that  ? 

POLLY 

I'll  be  sure  of  it !  I'll  go  find  out !  Wasn't  the 
the  order  on  the  Southampton  Bank  ? 

FANNY 

No;  I  had  them  send  it  to  Lettarblair  through 
an  order  on  the  Bank  of  Burmah  in  London !  I 
did  it  that  roundabout  way  so  that  he  should 
never  trace  it — never  guess! 

POLLY 

Even  so,  the  bank  here  would  know  if  the 
money  had  been  drawn! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          133 
FANNY 

True!      Oh,    Polly,   you   darling!      Here,    I'll 
write  a  line  to  ask  them ! 

Writing  a  message  on  her  card. 

POLLY 

It  is  near  by !     Percy  shall  come  with  me  ! 

Calls. 

Percy ! 

FANNY 

Giving  Polly  card. 
But  Mr.  Pinckney  mustn't  know ! 

POLLY 

He  shall  wait  outside ! 

Pinckney  enters. 

PINCKNEY 
Well? 

POLLY 

Taking  his  arm. 
Come! 

PINCKNEY 

Devotedly. 

Anywhere ! — But,  where  ? 


i34          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
POLLY 

Pushing  him  to  door. 
Never  mind ! 

PlNCKNEY 

Aye,  aye,  sir! 

Salutes,  takes  coat  from  portmanteau  in  pass 
ing,  exposing  Litton's  name  to  view. 

POLLY 

To  Fanny. 

You  wait  here — and  in  ten  minutes  I'll  bring 

you  good  news — 

Kisses  Fanny. 

— if  you  care  for  him ! 

Exit  with  Pinckney,  unconsciously  shutting  tail 
of  Fanny's  skirt  in  door. 

FANNY 

Leaning  back  against  door. 

If  I  care  for  him ! — Ah,  if  I  might  only  speak ! 
It's  a  wretched  thing  to  be  a  woman!  If  we 
could  only  woo  I  might  tell  him  all  that's  in  my 
heart.  I  could  ask  him  to  explain — but  I  must 
see  him  go  away  without  a  word! — Oh,  to  be  a 
man  that  I  might  say:  "Did  you  get  the  money? 


Why,  then,  these  are  his  rooms  !  "     Page  135 


Of    THE 

UNIVERSITY 

OF 


Of    THE 

UNIVERSITY 

OF 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          135 

What  does  it  all  mean?  Why  do  you  go  away? 
— Stay!  I  love  you!" — If  only  I  were  a  man 
long  enough  to  say  that — and  then  a  woman 
again  to  hear  him  answer  me ! 

Her  right  hand  falls  on  sword  that  is  standing 
against  wall.  She  picks  it  up  and  reads  the 
tag  on  it. 

"Captain  Lettarblair  Litton — Steamer  Majestic 
— New  York  for  Arizona." 

Looks  about,  sees  name  on  portmanteau. 
Why,  then,  these  are  his  rooms! — Oh,  I  mustn't 
wait  here !  I  must — 

Turning  to  go,  finds  skirt  caught.  Pulls  at  it. 
laughing. 

Dear  me! 

Tries  to  open  door. 

— Oh,  the  handle's  gone! 

Tugs  skirt  harder.  Beats  on  door,  calling; 
then  waves  gloves  from  window. 

Uncle  Ambrose!  Polly!  Francis  Merivale! 
Somebody  ! — Oh,  what  shall  I  do ! 

Considers.  Begins  to  unfasten  skirt,  then 
laughing,  changes  mind. 

Oh,  no !  I  couldn't  go  out  without  it ! — Oh,  the 
shame  of  it  if  he  should  come  in  and  find  me  here ! 

Tugs  angrily.    Suddenly  sees  handle. 


136          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
Why,  there's  the  handle! 

Goes  toward  it  hastily,  but  is  unable  to  reach  it. 

What  shall  I  do!— Ah,  this—! 

Sees  sword,  grasps  it,  and  tries  to  reach  handle, 
only  knocking  it  further  from  her.  Makes 
futile  strokes. 

Oh,    I   could   cry  with   rage! — Why   don't   they 
have  longer  swords ! — Ah,  this ! 

Puts  scabbard  partly  on  sword  to  lengthen  it, 
and  makes  more  futile  efforts,  finally  drop 
ping  scabbard.  Sits  despairingly  on  floor, 
chin  on  sword  hilt. 

What  shall  I  do ! 

LITTON 

Under  the  window,  outside. 

All  right,  Willoughby!     Be  good  to  her,  poor 
dear ! 

FANNY 

He's  there! — That  handle — I  must  get  it! 

Rises,  struggling  with  dress,  and  again  vainly 
trying  to  get  handle. 

LITTON 

To  Willoughby,  outside. 

Alas,  ready  money  outweighs  affection  !   Good- 
by !    Good-by ! 


Why,  there's  the  handle  !  "     Page  136 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          137 

FANNY 

Ah !      Ready   money   outweighs   affection !      I 
must  get  it ! — Of  course  ready  money  outweighs 

affection ! 

LITTON 

Climbs  in  at  window,  and  sits  on  sill. 
I  do  believe  this  wet  thing  in  my  eye's  a  tear! 

Suddenly  sees  Fanny,  but  as  her  hand  is  up  to 
her  face,  at  first  does  not  recognise  her. 
Goes  in  front  of  her,  amazed.  Seeing  him, 
she  falls  back  against  the  door  with  a  cry  of 
rage. 

Fanny! — It's  Fanny!  Fanny! 

Joyfully,  approaching  her. 

FANNY 

Warding  him  off  with  sword. 

Stand  back !     Don't  dare  come  near  me ! 

LITTON 

Fanny,  I  did  not  venture  to  hope  for  this  meet 
ing.     But  I  am  so  happy  you  are  here ! 

FANNY 

Keeping  him  back  with  sword. 

Don't  speak  to  me !     Stand  back ! 


138          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

LITTON 

Fanny — I  have  so  much  to  say  to  you !     I  fear 
you  have  misjudged  me  !   I — 

FANNY 

With  scorn. 
Oh,  no!     I  have  not  misjudged  you! 

LITTON 
Ah,  now,  Fanny!     You're  angry! 

FANNY 

Loftily. 
Angry  !     AYhy  should  I  be  angry ! 

LITTON 

Well,  dear,  I  left  abruptly!     I  owe  you  some 
further  explanation ! 

FANNY 
Oh,  no !    You  owe  me  nothing ! 

LITTON 

Ah,  Fanny,  I  have  to  go  away!     Let  me  tell 
you— 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          139 

FANNY 

Aside. 
I  dare  not  trust  myself ! 

To  Litton,  with  hauteur. 

Captain  Litton,  you  will  pardon  me,  but  I  also 
have  to  go  away!  My  friends  are  waiting  for 
me! 

Litton  sits  at  desk,  face  in  hands. 

Good  day ! 

Litton  turns  and  bows. 

She  starts  to  go  with  dignity,  but  is  detained 
by  her  skirt.  There  is  a  pause  during  which 
she  looks  despairingly  at  handle,  then  angrily 
at  Litton.  Clears  throat  to  speak  to  him,  but 
changes  her  mind.  Waves  handkerchief  out 
of  window.  Overcome  with  anger  and  dis 
appointment,  coughs. 

A-hem ! 

LITTON 

Turns  quickly;  joyfully  springs  up. 

Ah,  now,  Fanny — you  can't  go! 
FANNY 

Aside,  angrily. 
No,  I  can't ! 

LITTON 

Approaching  her. 

Dear  F'anny,  we  mustn't  part  in  anger!  You 
will  hear  me! 


140         CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
FANNY 

Aside,  feeling  skirt,  fearfully. 

It's  coming  off ! 

Pointing  to  handle. 

Give  me  that ! 

LITTON 

Puzzled. 

What? 

FANNY 

Stormily. 
That— that— that ! 

LITTON 

Seeing  handle,  puzzled. 

What,  that ! 

FANNY 

Yes,  I  want  it !     Why  don't  you  give  it  me ! 
LITTON 

Touching    handle    with    foot,    then    staring   at 
Fanny. 

What,  that? 

FANNY 
Yes,  that ! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          141 
LITTON 

Picking  up  handle. 

Well,  but  now  what's  the  good  of  it  to  ye? 
Tis  such  a  silly  thing  to  be  wanting ! 

Tosses  it  up  and  catches  it. 

FANNY 

Reaching  for  it  vainly. 

Oh !    I  HATE  you ! 

LITTON 

Laughs. 

Forgive  me,  Fanny — but  'tis  such  a  queer 
keepsake — for  that's  what  you  must  want  it  for, 
though  you  won't  give  me  the  satisfaction  of 
saying  so!  But  don't  take  the  lock  of  the  door; 
take  a  lock  of  my  hair ! 

FANNY 

Furious. 

Oh,  I'll  not  stay  here  to  be  laughed  at!  Let 
me  go,  I  command  you ! 

LITTON 

Surprised. 

But — dearly  as  I  love  to  have  you,  I'm  not  de 
taining  you! 


142          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

FANNY 
I  can't  get  away ! — I'm  caught  in  the  door ! 

LITTON 
The  devil  ye  are ! 

Drops  handle  and  goes  to  her. 

Fanny,  this  is  the  work  of  Providence!  The 
gods  meant  that  you  should  hear  me — and  you 
shall ! — Oh,  I  know  what  you  must  think — 

FANNY 

I  will  not  hear  you ! 

Puts  hands  to  ears. 

I  will  not ! — You  call  yourself  a  soldier !  Oh, 
this  is  brave,  is  it  not ! 

LITTON 

Taking  her  hands  from  her  ears  and  holding 
them. 

Fanny — I  must  speak — I  must  tell  you — 

FANNY 
I  will  not  hear  you ! 

Snatches    away   her    hands    and    again    covers 
ears. 

Oh,  you  are  cruel !    Let  me  go ! 

Cries. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          143 
LITTON 

Hastening  to  her. 

Ah,  Fanny,  dearest,   I'm  a  brute!     Ah,  now, 
let  me  dry  your  eyes! 

Trying  to  dry  her  eyes  with  his,  handkerchief. 

FANNY 

Pushing  him  from  her. 

How  dare  you !   Oh,  the  shame  of  it ! 
LITTON 

Hurt  and  bewildered. 

Fanny ! 

FANNY 
I  know  everything! 

LITTON 
Eh  L    You  know  of  my  obligation  ? 

FANNY 
Yes,  yes,  I  know! 

LITTON 
I  couldn't  ask  ye  to  share  it ! 


144          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

FANNY 
No,  no !     I  know  ! — Let  me  go ! 

LITTON 
The  difference  between  us  is  too  great ! 

FANNY 

Aside,  turning  from  him. 

Much — much — MUCH  too  great ! 

Leans,  face  buried  in  hands,  against  door. 

The  money  has  turned  his  brain ! 

LITTON 

Sadly. 

Fanny,  Fanny,  have  you  no  kind  word  'for  me 
at  parting?  It's  a  terrible  thing  to  go  away  with 
nothing  to  look  forward  to  but  what  ye  leave  be 
hind  you! — My  only  comfort  is  the  thought 
that's  breaking  my  heart :  that  you  don't  care ! — 

Tries  to  take  down  her  hands. 

I  leave  England  in  a  few  hours — but  I  will  come 
back  in  a  few  years !  If  I  dared  ask  you  to  wait 
— Fanny,  I  can't  bear  your  tears! — Don't,  don't 
cry,  dear  heart !  You  must  see  that  what  I  have 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          145 

clone  is  for  the  best! — I  couldn't  ask  you  to  be 
my  wife  yet! — Fanny,  please  don't  cry! — Damn 
the  money!— I  beg  your  pardon,  Fanny!  Say 
good-bye!  Fanny,  I  love  you  better  than  life  it 
self!  I  love  you— Don't  cry!— Ask  me  to  stay 
— and — Fanny,  now  Fanny,  my  sweet  sweet 
heart — 

Fanny  utters  a  cry,  and  pushes  him  from  her. 
The  door  opens,  releasing  her.  She  runs 
across  the  room,  crying  hysterically. 

Enter  Merivale. 

MERIVALE 
Fanny,  the  trap's  ready. 

Sees  Litton. 


Has  that — ? 


With  angry  suspicion. 

EJiter  Polly,  pale  and  breathless,  followed  by 
Pmckney,  the  Dean  and  Hyacinth 


POLLY 

Fanny !  Fanny ! 

In  undertone. 

It   is   true — the   money   has   been   drawn — every 
penny ! 

FANNY 

Shudders. 

Ah ! — 

Turns  to  Merivale. 


146          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

Forgive  my  having  doubted  you ! 

Merivale,  relieved,  takes  her  hand. 

v  DEAN 

My  children,  Fanny  and  Lettarblair,  is  it  your 
desire  that  I  join  your  hands  in  betrothal  before 
you  part  ? 

MERIVALE 

Approaching. 

No!    It  is  impossible! 

LITTON 

Starts  forward  to  resent  this,  but  checks  him 
self. 

I  thank  you,  Dean,  but  I  can  not  invite  Fanny 
to  share  my  poverty ! 


FANNY 

Aside  to  Polly. 

Poverty ! 

MERIVALE 

You  mean  disgrace! 


LITTON 
What  do  you  mean? 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          147 

DEAN 
Gentlemen — ! 

MERIVALE 

Pardon,  Dean,  but  I  know  Litton  to  be  encum 
bered  with  a  discreditable  debt ! 

DEAN 

Discreditable?  Litton,  explain!  Merivale,  I 
demand  an  explanation ! 

MERIVALE 

Litton  tries  to  hush  it  up — but  it  is  the  result 
of  a  dishonourable  business  transaction  of  his  fa 
ther's  ! 

LITTON 

You  cur! — Before  God  he  was  innocent! 
MERIVALE 

Playing  with  his  gloves. 

Your  word  suffices  for  your  friends,  Captain 
Litton,  but  the  world  would  call  him  an  em 
bezzler  ! 

LITTON 

Snatches  Merivale's  gloves,  and  slaps  his  face 
with  them. 


148          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

You  liar ! 

Merivale  makes  a  blow  at  Litton,  but  is  caught 
from  behind  by  Pinckney,  and  forced  into 
chair. 

If  there's  a  God  in   Heaven  you  shall  pay   for 
this! 

MERIVALE 

Between  clenched  teeth. 
Yes,  I  will  pay  for  this ! 

FANNY 

To  Merivale. 
Oh,  if  you  have  any  shame —          r  .  t|i 

LITTON 
Dear  old  Dad ! 

MERIVALE 

To  Fanny. 

I  must  protect  you! 

LITTON 

Has  Miss  Hadden  given  you  the  right  to  pro 
tect  her  ? 

FANNY 

How  dare  you  ask !    You ! 


''  You  cur  !  "     Page  147 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          149 

LITTON 

Fanny,  I  dare  all !    I  am  penniless,  but  not  dis 
graced  !    If  you  love  me — Fanny,  will  you  be  my 

wife? 

FANNY 

Vehemently. 

Finally  and  for  ever — NO  ! 

Litton  turns  away,  broken-hearted. 
Loud  shouts  outside  and  first  bugle  call.    Enter 
Jorkins  in  full  marching  array,  running. 

JORKINS 

Master — master — it's  war,  master!     War! 

ALL 
War? 

Commandss  heard  outside,  "Irish  Fusiliers!  By 
Companies!"  "Form  Fours!"  "By  the 
right !''  etc.  "Quick  March  !" 

Drum-beat,  and  fife.  The  Girl  I  left  Behind 
Me!  Marching. 

JORKINS 

Sepoys  have  risen!     We're  ordered  to  active 
service ! 

ALL 
Active  service! 

Pinckney  embraces  Polly,  shakes  hands  hastily 
with  the  others,  and  again  embraces  Polly, 
placing  her  half-fainting  in  window-seat,  and 
hurries  off. 


150         CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

JORKINS 

Good-bye,  master !    Good-bye !    God  bless  you, 
master !   Good-bye ! 

Exit  rapidly. 

Excitement  outside  increased.   Litton  looks  out 
of  window. 

LITTON 
Oh,  I  must — I  must  go  with  them ! 


MERIVALE 

With  a  sneer. 

You've  sent  in  your  papers !    How  can  you  go ! 


In  the  ranks ! 


LITTON 

Turning  quickly  to  him  at  the  door. 


Fanny  faints;  Merivale  catches  her  and  places 
her  in  chair.  Band  outside  louder.  Com 
mands  heard :  "No.  i  by  the  right,  march ! 
No.  2  by  the  right !"  Shouts  of  the  crowd 
and  the  marching  of  soldiers. 

CURTAIN 
END    OF    ACT    II 


ACT  III 


SCENE   I 

Office  of  Seton  and  Catesby,  Solicitors,  London.  Six 
months  after  Act  II.  In  the  foreground  are  Mr.  Seton's 
desk  and  revolving  chair;  in  the  background  toward  the 
right  Smithers'  high  desk  and  stool.  On  the  right  a  win 
dow  overlooks  a  quadrangle;  beyond  this  a  door  leads  to 
inner  offices,  and  further  on  is  a  curtained  arch.  A  large, 
ancient  table  stands  on  the  left  between  the  fireplace  and 
the  door  that  opens  into  outer  offices.  Law-books  on 
shelves,  tin  boxes  and  letter-files  appear  in  utmost  order. 
High-backed  office  chairs  are  ranged  stiffly  against  the 
walls.  In  a  corner  an  old  clock  mounts  guard.  On  the 
mantel-piece  tea-things  are  set  out.  Mr.  Seton  is  bending 
over  a  neat  pile  of  papers  at  the  table,  while  Smithers,  pen 
over  ear,  stands  at  attention  by  his  desk,  receiving  in 
structions. 

SETON 

Now,  Smithers,  you  understand  your  instruc 
tions  ? 

SMITHERS 

Perfectly, -sir! 

Knock  at  door.    Smithers  opens  the  door.    En 
ter  Fanny,  Polly  and  Pinckney. 

FANNY 

Oh,  Mr.  Seton,  I'm  so  glad  to  see  you  again! 


152          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

SETON 

Fanny,  my  dear  girl,  you  make  this  legal  wil 
derness  blossom  like  the  rose! — Well,  Polly,  so 
your  hero  has  come  back  to  you ! 

PlNCKNEY 

Yes,  indeed !    Aren't  you  glad  to  see  me  alive  ? 

SETON 
And  when  is  the  wedding  to  take  place? 

POLLY 

Hiding  face  in  hands,  with  pretended  shyness. 

Whose  wedding? 

PlNCKNEY 

Imitating  her. 

Yes,  whose! 

POLLY 
Mine? 

PlNCKNEY 

Or  mine ! 

FANNY 

Uncle  Ambrose  and  Miss  Hyacinth  are  to  set 
the  example  next  week.  Here  is  your  invitation ! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          153 

SETON 
Delightful ! — Now,  my  clear — 

FANNY 

Guardian,  I  have  something  very  particular  to 
say  to  you ! 

Pinckney  leads  Polly  to  table. 

POLLY 

Rummaging  among  boxes  on  shelves. 

What  a  dear  old  office ! 

FANNY 

To  Mr.  Seton,  with  lowered  voice. 

Mr.  Merivale,  I  believe,  is  coming  here  to 
day? 

SETON 
He  is.     Well  ? 

FANNY 

He  wants  to  marry  me.  He  pursues  me  with 
it.  Will  you  make  him  understand  it  is  impos 
sible? 


154         CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
SETON 

He  shall  learn  it  unmistakably  from  me  to-day, 
my  dear.  Now — 

POLLY 

Opening  a  tin  box. 

Biscuits?     Let's  have  a  picnic! 

SETON 

No,  Polly!  You  will  find  no  sweets  there; 
only  bitterness  and  hatred ! — Now,  my  dear 
young  friends — 

POLLY 

Having  opened  another  box. 

Here  are  the  biscuits ! 

FANNY 

Good !  Let's  have  afternoon  tea  !  I  know  Mr. 
Seton  wants  his  tea ! 

Polly  and  Pinckney  bring  biscuits  and  teacups 
to  table ;  Fanny  .goes  to  fireplace  and  picks 
up  kettle. 

SETON 

Protesting. 
But,  mv  dear — 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          155 
FANNY 

Mr.    Smithers,   can  you   get   us   some  boiling 
water  ?   There  ought  to  be  lots  of  hot  water  in  a 

lawyer's  office. 

SMITHERS 

He  takes  the  kettle ;  exit. 
Certainly  ma'am! 

FANNY 
Here  are  tea-cups.    But  where  are  the  spoons  ? 

SETON 

Pointing  to  Polly  and  Pinckney. 

There's  a  couple ! 

Knock  at  door. 

Come  in ! 

Merivale  enters.  He  greets  Mr.  Seton  for 
mally,  Fanny  with  marked  devotion,  then 
nods  carelessly  to  the  others. 

MERIVALE 

Well,    Polly!,,  So  your  bad  penny  has  come 
back  to  you ! 

Pinckney  threatens  Merivale. 

POLLY 
Hush,  Percy!     He  may  be  a  bad  penny,  Mr. 


156         CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 


Merivale,  but  I  wouldn't  change  him  for  a  sov 
ereign  ! 

MERIVALE 

Addressing  Seton. 

You  sent  for  me? 

SETON 

Taking  up  letter,  sits  at  desk. 

Yes !    I  wish  to  read  you  all  the  latest  news  of 
Captain  Litton. 

FANNY 

Going  to  Seton. 
Ah!     You've  heard  from  him — at  last! 

MERIVALE 

Ah,  poor  Litton !     Rather  the  worse   for  the 
wars,  I  hear! 

Leans  on  mantel. 

POLLY 

Indignantly,  to  Merivale. 

Worse,  indeed !     When  he's  got  his  commis 
sion  again ! 

MERIVALE 

Shrugging  shoulders. 
Newspaper  accounts  are  sometimes  perverted 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          157 

and  overdrawn !  In  any  case  honours  are  useless 
to  a  man  when  he's  a  wreck  in  mind  and  body ! 

FANNY 

Horrified,  clutching  Seton. 

Oh,  guardian  !     Is  that  true  ? 

SETON 

Don't  be  alarmed,   my  dear!     As   Mr.   Meri- 
vale  says,  bank  accounts  are  sometimes  perverted 

and  overdrawn — 

Merivale  moves  uneasily. 

— Ah,  what  am  I  saying!  Newspaper  accounts! 
— Two  months  ago  I  received  this  letter  from 
Litton.  He  writes : 

Reading  from  letter. 

"I  hear  that  I  am  said  to  have  received  a  bank 
order  for  ten  thousand  pounds  on  the  day  of  my 
departure  from  Beechwood,  and  to  have  cashed 
this  at  the  Southampton  Bank  shortly  before 
leaving  England.  That  rumour  is  false.  It  was 
debt,  not  prosperity,  that  took  me  away!" 

FANNY 
Qh-h!     If  we  have  been  mistaken — ! 


158          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

POLLY 
I  was  sure  it  would  come  out  right! 

PlNCKNEY 

O  f  course ! 

Polly  and  Pinckney  go  to  window. 

FANNY 

Oh,  the  wrong"  I  have  done  him !  If  only  I 
could  see  him  to  explain !  Guardian,  write  him 
for  me — ! 

Enter  Smithers  with  kettle. 
S MIT  HERS 

Water  boils,  Miss. 

Polly  seizes  the  kettle;  it  burns  her  hand. 
Pinckney  takes  it  from  her,  burning  his 
hand.  Smithers  hands  a  card  to  Mr.  Seton. 

Gentleman  to  see  you,  sir !     I  showed  him  into 

your  private  office. 

Sits  on  high  stool  at  desk. 

SETON 

Reading  card. 

A  client  to  see  me.  Be  off  with  you,  all  of 
you !  You'll  find  tea  and  tea-pot  in  there ! 

Pointing, 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          159 

PlNCKNEY 

Polly,  put  the  kettle  on, 

Swinging  the  kettle,  as  he  and  Polly  go  out. 
We'll  all  have  tea. 

Fanny  is  about  to  accompany  them,  but  Mr. 
Seton  detains  her. 

SETON 
A  moment,  my  dear ! 

Merivale  is  about  to  slip  quietly  out.  Mr. 
Seton,  turning  in  chair,  notices  him. 

Er — a  word  with  you,  Mr.  Merivale! 

Rises,  goes  to  Fanny.  Smithers  leaps  from 
stool  and  stands  by  desk  as  if  to  watch 
Merivale. 

Fanny,  I  hear  that  while  I  was  away  you  caused 
the  debt  to  the  Crawford  estate  to  be  collected! 
A  most  unbusinesslike  proceeding! 

FANNY 

Oh,  but,  guardian — I  had  to  have  the  money! 
It  was  for  a  most  worthy  object! 

SETON 

But,   my   dear!      Your   action   embarrassed   a 
most  worthy  object! 


160          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
FANNY 

Then  give  them  back  the  money,  guardian — I 
— I  don't  ever  want  to  hear  of  it  again ! 

Exit,  with  emotion. 

SETON 

To  himself. 

A  woman's  idea  of  business :    Ruin   Peter  to 
pay  Paul — that  is,  if  she  loves  Paul ! 

Sits  at  desk. 
Smithers  leaps  on  to  stool  again. 

Now,   Mr.   Merivale,  what  have  you  to  tell  me 
about  that  bank  order? 

MERIVALE 

Nothing,  sir — except  that  that's  a  damned  im 
pertinent  question ! 

SETON 
Indeed  ! — Smithers ! 

Smithers  approaches  Merivale. 

Where  have  you  seen  this  gentleman  before  ? 
MERIVALE 

Looks  at  Smithers.     Recognises  him. 

I  can  tell  you!     In  Litton's  quarters,  the  day 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          161 

of  the  departure  of  the  regiment — when  you  gave 
him  a  pretty  bad  character ! 

SMITHERS 

True,  sir !  But  I  had  already  seen  you  once 
before ! 

SETON 

Tell  him  where  and  under  what  circumstances ! 

SMITHERS 

Two  days  previous,  in  London,  at  the  Bank  of 
Burmah.  I  had  some  reason  for  thinking  Cap 
tain  Litton  might  call  there,  and  I  was  waiting 
for  him,  behind  a  door,  to  collect  a  bill ! 

MERIVALE 

Laughs,  sneering. 

As  usual! 

SMITHERS 
He  did  not  come — but  you  did ! 

MERIVALE 
Nothing  more  probable!     I  bank  there! 


1 62          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

SMITHERS 

After  a  whispered  consultation  with  the  clerk, 
with  whom  you  seemed  to  be  on  intimate  terms, 
you  cashed  an  order.  It  was  endorsed  with  the 
signature,  "Lettarblair  Litton." 

SETON 

You  may  go  now,  Smithers  ! 

Smithcrs  goes  out. 

Well,   Merivale,  can  you  deny  that  you  cashed 
that  order? 

MERIVALE 

"_•-  S, 

Moves  a  chair  forward  and  sits."] 

No  need  to  deny  it,  Mr.  Seton.  Litton  gave  it 
me  in  payment  of  a  debt  at  cards ! 

SETON 

Do  you  expect  me  to  believe  that  Litton  would 
gamble  with  you  ? 

MERIVALE 
Not  now,  poor  devil !    He  can't  afford  it ! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          163 

SETON 

Merivale,  we  are  not  satisfied  that  the  endorse 
ment  is  genuine! 

MERIVALE 

Turns  on  Seton. 

You  accuse  me — 

SETON 

Still  seated,  turns,  facing  him. 
— of  forgery  ?  I  do  ! 

MERIVALE 

Rises.     Moves  away  a  few  paces. 
Is  it  likely  a  man  would  commit  a  forgery  in 
broad    daylight,    and   remain   on   the   spot   with 
every  chance  of  detection? 

SETON 

It  sounds  too  glaringly  improbable — yet  that 

Rises. 

is  just  what  you  have  done!  You  planned,  hav 
ing  parted  the  lovers,  by  marrying  Fanny  to 
escape  detection ;  or,  if  detected,  to  hush  up  your 
crime !  But,  finding  that  she  w^ill  not  have  you, 
you  have  secretly  prepared  to  leave  the  country 
with  your  ill-gotten  gains! 


1 64          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
MERIVALE 

Again  turns  on  him. 

What  are  you  saying? 

SETON 

Turning  in  chair  so  as  always  to  face  Merivale. 

Oh,  you  have  been  watched,  Mr.  Merivale! 
You  have  been  watched ! 

MERIVALE 

Quite  unnecessary.  Had  you  asked  straight 
forwardly  I  would  have  told  you  of  the  trip  I  in 
tend  to  take ! 

SETON 

Intended,  rather!  Your  vessel  sails  to-night, 
but  without  you !  Is  it  honest  business  takes  you 
to  the  States? 

MERIVALE 

Leaning  on  a  chair-back. 

Men  have  been  known  to  visit  the  States  for 
pleasure ! 

SETON 

Rarely  under  an  assumed  name,  if  they  be 
honest ! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          165 

MERIVALE 

This  sounds  very  fine,  but  you  offer  me  no 
proof ! 

SETON 

Not  because  it  is  lacking.  I  am  only  waiting 
to  read  it  to  you,  link  by  link,  in  the  presence  of 
the  man  you  have  wronged — Lettarblair  Litton. 

MERIVALE 

You  will  have  to  wait.  Litton  is  lying  at  the 
point  of  death  in  the  hospital  at  Rangoon. 

Picks  up  his  hat  and  goes  toward  door. 

SETON 

Takes  up  letter. 

He  was,  two  months  since — when  this  letter 
was  written! — But  he's  better;  he's  well;  he's 
here ;  in  England ;  London ;  here  in  my  private 
office,  ready  to  confront — 

Merivale  hurriedly  opens  the  door. 

Ah,  Mr.  Merivale,  you  are  not  anxious  to  see  the 
Captain ! 


1 66          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

MERIVALE 

You  must  admit,  Mr.  Seton,  that  two  to  one 
are  heavy  odds — 

SETON 

Go  now !  To-morrow  you  will  meet  me  in  the 
library  of  the  Deanery  at  half-past  six — 

MERIVALE 

Insolently. 
I  rarely  rise  so  early. 

SETON 

— in  the  evening.  In  the  presence  of  Litton 
and  the  Dean  you  will  hand  me  the  ten  thousand 
pounds.  And,  remember,  forgery  is  felony;  its 
punishment  penal  servitude.  Escape  is  impossi 
ble,  for  you  are  watched !  You  take  a  convey 
ance?  Another  follows  you  like  fate — and  wher 
ever  you  go  fate  is  waiting  for  you,  too ! 

Merivale  makes  a  gesture  as  if  to  strike  Seton. 
Polly,  Pinckney  and  Fanny  enter  gaily,  with 
tea-pot,  sugar-bowl,  etc.  Fanny  prepares  to 
pour  the  tea. 

POLLY 
Tea's  ready! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          167 
MERIVALE 

In  undertone  to  Fanny. 

Fanny,  dearest — hear  me  once  more!  They 
accuse  me  falsely,  of  terrible  things !  Fanny, 
you  know  I  have  always  been  your  friend. 

FANNY 

Cordially. 

Yes !     Oh,  yes ! 

MERIVALE 

Then  marry  me  at  once ! 

Smithers  enters. 

It  would  only  be  generous,  right !     I  would  give 
my  life  for  you  !     Come ! 

Takes  her  hand  as  if  to  lead  her  away. 


FANNY 

Drawing  back. 

No,  no !     I  can  not ! 


SMITHERS 

Pointing  over  shoulder  with  thumb. 

Gentleman  in  there  says  he's  in  a  terrible 
hurry,  Mr.  Seton,  sir.  Says  he's  due  at  a  levee 
at  St.  James's  palace  in  fifteen  minutes. 


1 68          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
MERIVALE 

Going  hurriedly. 

Good  afternoon,  ladies  and  gentlemen! 

SETON 

Mr.  Merivale,  remember  your  appointment  for 

to-morrow ! 

POLLY 

Oh,  Mr.  Merivale,  won't  you  have  a  cup  of 

tea? 

MERIVALE 

In  a  burst  of  passion. 

Tea !    I  hate  tea ! 

Exit,  banging  door. 

POLLY  AND  PINCKNEY 

Amazed. 
He  hates  tea ! 

FANNY 

Offering  cup  to  Mr.  Seton. 

Drink  it !     The  longer  you  wait  the  colder  it 

gets! 

SETON 

My  dear — my  client  in  there — he  has  a  violent 
temper,  and  the  longer  he  waits  the  hotter  it 
gets ! 


CAPTAIN    LETT ARBL AIR          169 
POLLY 

Is  he  young  and  handsome?    Let's  ask  him  to 
join  us. 

SETON 

Certainly  not ! — Get  along  with  you, 

Drives  Polly  and  Pinckney. 
Polly,  with  your  Pinckneys  and  your  picnics ! 

POLLY  AND  PINCKNEY 
Oh,  what  a  naughty  temper ! 

Taxing  Seton  as  they  go,  carrying  their  tea. 

SETON 
And  you,  too,  Fanny — 

FANNY 

Stopping  to  help  herself  to  sugar,  as  Polly  and 
Pinckney  go  out. 

Just  one  more  lump! 

Goes. 

SETON 
Now,  Smithers — 

SMITHERS 
Has  just  put  a  lump  of  sugar  into  his  mouth. 


1 70          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
Yes  sir ! 

He  drops  it  adroitly  into  hand  and  pockets  it. 
He  runs  to  door  at  left  and  opens  it. 

Step  this  way,  please,  Captain ! 

Ushers  in  Litton,  in  full  uniform. 

LITTON 
And  how  are  you  this  long  day,  Mr.  Seton ! 

SETON 

Cordially  shaking  hands  with  Litton. 

My  dear  boy!     Welcome  home!     I  trust  you 
are  back  on  a  long  leave ! 

Sits  at  desk  again. 

LITTON 

I  return  to  India  to-morrow !     What  is  it  you 
wish  to  say  to  me? 

SETON 
To-morrow?     But — your  wound? 

LITTON 
A  mere  scratch ! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          171 
SETON 

Taking  up  newspaper  to  refer  to  it. 

A  mere  scratch  indeed,  when  it  took  the  Vic- 
toria  Cross  to  heal  it ! 

LITTON 

Would  that  all  wounds  were  no  deeper,  and  no 
cross  harder  to  bear! 

Hands  busby   to    Smithers,   who   places   it   on 
table  behind  pile  of  tin  boxes.     Exit  Smithers. 

SETON 

Referring  to  paper. 

Here's  all  England  ringing  with  praises  of  the 
man  who — 

LITTON 

Snatches  paper  from  Seton. 

I  didn't  come  from  India  to  hear  you  read  the 
newspaper!    Why  did  you  send  for  me? 

SETON 

To  confer  with  you  on  a  matter  connected  with 
the  Crawford  estate ! 


i;2         CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
LITTON 

About  to  sit,  leaps  up. 

There  is  nothing  more  to  be  said  on  that  sub 
ject!  The  debt  is  discharged,  and  the  matter 
closed ! 

SETON 

Legally,  yes ;  but  something  remains  to  be  said 
in  equity! 

LITTON 

I  do  not  want  equity  since  I  never  have  had 
justice — Where's  my  bear-skin? 

Looks  about  for  busby. 

SETON 

Yet  if  you  would  consent  to  meet  your  ex- 
creditor  I  am  sure  the  outcome  would  be  most 
agreeable ! 

LITTON 

Striding  forward. 

An  income  would  be  more  agreeable  to  me !  I 
refuse  to  meet  my  ex-creditor ! 

SETON 
Come,  don't  say  that !  I  have  arranged  to  bring 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          173 

you  together! — In  fact,  my  client  is  waiting  now 

to  see  you! 

Places  Litton  in  chair. 

Smithers ! 

Smithers  enters. 

Smithers,  show  in  the  Heir  of  Crawford ! — Par 
don,  Captain,  but  trust  an  old  man's  judgment, 
it  is  for  the  best ! 

SMITHERS 

Ushering  in  Fanny. 

The  Heir  of  Crawford ! 

Fanny  starts  amazed  at  seeing  Litton.  Seton 
signs  her  to  keep  quiet.  Litton  has  turned 
his  back  squarely,  so  that  he  does  not  see  her. 

SETON 

Come,  Captain — we  have  gone  too  far  to  turn 
back! 

LITTON 

Doggedly,  with  folded  arms. 
I  haven't  gone  too  far  to  turn  back ! 

Fanny  had  advanced  as  if  to  go  to  him,  but  at 
this  she  starts  back,  repelled.  Smithers  exit. 

SETON 
My  client  greets  you  in  a  friendly  spirit — 


174          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

LITTON 
I  don't  hear  him !    Is  he  a  deaf  mute? 

SETON 

Not  at  all !  But — while  you  maintain  this  hos 
tile  attitude,  all  communication  must  be  carried 
on  through  me ! — Come,  Captain — 

Approaching  Litton. 
it  is  not  like  you  to  turn  your  back  upon  the 


enemy ! 


LITTON 

Sneering. 


Enemy! — Gentlemen  only  quarrel  with  gentle 
men  ! 

SETON 

And  my  client  is — 

LITTON 

No  gentleman — or  he  wouldn't  force  himself 
on  me ! 

SETON 

Well — Hm ! — even  were  I  to  concede  the  point 
my  client  has  another  claim  on  your  considera 
tion  ! 

Leading  Fanny  back  of  desk. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          175 

Captain !  Turn !  Forgive !  Let  mercy  and  truth 
meet  together,  then  will  peace  and  righteousness 
kiss  each  other  on  the  spot ! 

LITTON 

Savagely. 

Kiss  him !    I'd  like  to  skin  the  fellow  ! 

Fanny,  startled,  jumps  back. 

I  put  it  to  ye,  Mr.  Seton :  how  can  I  forgive  what 
I  have  not  forgotten — never  can  forget  ? 

SETON 
What,  Captain? 

LITTON 

In  a  low  voice. 

'Twas  my  father's  supposed  debt  to  the  Craw 
ford  estate  that  bowed  his  head  and  broke  the 
heart  in  him  with  a  shame  which  belonged  as  little 
to  him  as  to  God's  angels ! 

SETON 
Yes? 

LITTON 

Continuing,    while    Fanny,    whose    face    shows 
surprise  and  remorse,  cries  quietly. 

On  his  dying  bed  I  promised  him  to  take  up 


i  ;6          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

the  burden — as  I  would  have  vowed  my  very  soul 
to  clear  his  name !  Now,  this  man — knowing  this 
— what  does  he? 

SETON 
He  dies,  acknowledging  his  error ! 

LITTON 

Aye !  But  his  successor,  knowing  that,  what 
does  he?  Makes  restitution,  you  would  say? 
Devil  a  bit !  Calls  for  everything !  Takes  a  tech 
nical  advantage  which  would  put  Shylock  to  the 
blush ! — Does  the  Heir  of  Crawford  enjoy  all 
this? 

Bitterly. 
Fanny  turns  away,  crying. 

SETON 

The  Heir  of  Crawford  listens !  But — my  client 
considered  that  the  end  to  which  the  sum  was  to 
be  applied  might  justify  the  means. 

LITTON 

He  put  an  end  to  my  means!     Can  he  justify 

that? 

Fanny  shakes  her  head  "No." 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          177 

SETON 

The  sum  was  needed  to  aid  a  charity !  A  noble 
charity !  Come,  Captain,  does  not  that  move  you  ? 

LITTON 

A  charity!  Of  all  queer  traits  in  the  Heir  of 
Crawford,  the  greatest  of  these  is  charity! — Ha, 
ha! 

Loud,    explosive,    scornful    laugh,    that   makes 
Fanny  start. 

SETON 

Oh,  but  consider!  Perhaps  a  home  for  or 
phans  ! 

Lays  a  hand  on  Litton's  shoulder. 

LITTON 

Doggedly. 

I'm  an  orphan ! 

SETON 

Suppressing  amusement. 
Or  a  refuge  for  homeless  dogs — 

LITTON 
I'm  a  homeless  clog ! 


1 78          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

SETON 
Or  an — an  asylum  for  indigent  bachelors — 

LITTON 
I'm  an  indigent  bachelor! 

SETON 

Taking  Fanny's  hand. 

Or — to  bestow  a  marriage  portion  on  a  deserv 
ing  young  person — 

LITTON 

I'm  a  deserving  young  person — and  as  for  a 
marriage  portion — !  See  here,  Mr.  Seton,  six 
months  ago  I  was  suitor  for  the  hand  of  a  girl- 
far  away  the  sweetest  girl  in  all  England ! 

SETON 

Musingly. 

Strange  fact,  but  this  touch  of  human  nature 
runs  like  a  thread  of  gold  through  the  grayest 
woof!  Strange — but  we  old  lawyers  are  sure  to 
find,  everywhere,  tied  up  in  bundles  of  yellow  old 
documents,  at  the  top  of  a  mortgage,  or  the  bot 
tom  of  a  will,  hidden  among  dead  and  buried  is- 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          179 

sues,  always  last,  but  never  least,  like  a  bar  of 
sunshine  in  a  dark  room — the  sweetest  girl  in  all 

England ! 

Puts  his  arm  about  Fanny. 

LITTON 

In  a  positive  tone. 

Not  at  all,  sir!  There  never  was  a  case  like 
mine!  From  Mother  Eve  down  there  never  was 
a  girl  so  sweet  as  this  one! — How  was  I  to  ask  a 
girl  who  ought  to  have  the  best  the  world  can 
yield  to  share  the  fortunes  of  a  beggar ! 

SETON 
My  client  says:   Marry  her  all  the  same,  if — 

LITTON 

Your  client!  Bad  'cess  to  him,  what  has  your 
client  got  to  say  about  me  and  my — 

SETON 

My  client  says :  Marry  her  all  the  s:une — if  she 
loves  you ! 

l'":mnv  nods  emphatic  assent. 


i8o         CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

LITTON 
Aye — if  she  loves  me !     How  could  I  tell ! — 

Fanny  hides  face  on  Seton's  shoulder. 

How  could  I  press  my  suit  when  my  suit  was  in 
chancery! — I  suppose  she  lost  faith  in  me — and 
then — there  was  some  one  else ! 

Fanny  starts,  signals  No!  No!  No! 

SETON 

Moves  toward  Litton. 

Some  one  else !    Are  you  sure  ? 
LITTON 

Shrugs  shoulders. 

I   wasn't   left   in   much   doubt!     Love   is   far- 
sighted,  when  he  isn't  blind ! 

SETON 

Quizzically. 

He  hasn't  always  eyes  in  the  back  of  his  head, 
though ! 

LITTON 

He  looks  before  him,  sir,  even  when  his  head 

is  turned  completely !  But — 

Groans. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLA1R          181 

— how  could  I  speak  to  her !  There  was  a  bit  of 
a  misunderstanding — and  exit  Lettarblair  Litton 
with  the  devil  to  pay! — Now  is  there  anything 
more  to  be  said?  Now  is  the  Heir  of  Crawford 
satisfied? 

SETON 

No!  Nor  shall  I  be  till  I  have  joined  your 
hands ! 

Goes  to  Fanny  and  takes  her  hand. 
Captain,  my  client  is  almost  at  your  elbow ! 

LITTON 

Shouts  savagely. 

Get  thee  behind  me,  Satan ! 

Fanny  starts  back. 

SETON 

I  make  one  final  appeal !  I  have  set  my  heart 
on  joining  your  hands!  There  is  every  reason 
why  you  two  should  know  and  love  one  another ! 

LITTON 

The  Heir   of  Crawford  may  love  me  all  he 

damn  pleases — 

Fanny  starts,  shocked. 


1 82         CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

• — to  me  he  has  been  merely  a  legal  obstacle!  I 
swear  I  will  never  know  him  as  a  man ! 

Fanny  laughs. 

And  now,  unless  he  desires  to  contemplate  the 
back  of  a  deeply-injured  human  being  he  had  bet 
ter  withdraw.  I  wish  to  go  to  St.  James's,  and 
he  is  in  my  way ! 

Fanny  moves  toward  the  door,  as  if  to  go,  but 
Seton  detains  her,  considering.  Then,  with 
a  new  idea,  motioning  her  to  remain  silent, 
he  leads  her  up  and  conceals  her  behind  the 
curtains.  This  done,  he  opens  and  closes  the 
door  ostentatiously. 

SETON 

Impressively. 
The  Heir  of  Crawford  withdraws ! 

LITTON 

Rises,  turns  about  with  a  long-drawn  breath 
of  relief. 

Phew  !     One  can  breathe  freely,  at  last !     The 
fellow  polluted  the  very  atmosphere! 

SETON 
Try  some  tobacco,  Captain  ! 

Takes  cigar-case  from  pocket  and  offers  cigar 
to  Litton,  who  accepts  it. 


The  Heir  of  Crawford  may  love  me  all  he  damn  pleases  — " 

Page  181 


CAPTAIN    LETT ARBL AIR          183 

There  is  one  thing  more  to  be  settled  about  the 
Crawford  estate! 

LITTON 

Is  there  no  end  to  the  Crawford  estate?  Hang 
the  Crawford — 

SETON 

Sitting  and  cutting  off  end  of  cigar. 

Hang  it  by  all  means!  It  will  soon  be  your 
own  to  do  with  as  you  please! — Captain  Litton, 
according  to  the  will  of  the  late  John  Robinson, 
the  Crawford  estate  is  to  be  made  over  to  you  on 
the  marriage  of  the  present  heir,  Frances  Had- 
den! 

LITTON 

Frances  Hadden — Fanny — John  Robinson — 
the  Crawford — What  does  this  mean! 

Pauses  in  the  act  of  lighting  cigar  and  replaces 
the  spirit-lamp  on  the  table. 

SETON 
Exactly  what  I  have  said ! 

Turns  about  in  chair,  away  from  Litton. 


1 84         CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

John   Robinson  was  your  father's  unscrupulous 
friend — 

LITTON 

But — his  son — the  fellow  who  was  here  just 
now —  ? 

Coming  forward  eagerly. 

SETON 
Died — years  before  his  father ! 

LITTON 

Horrified. 

Have  I  been  abusing"  a  ghost !  The  Lord  for 
give  me! 

SETON 

Not  at  all !  John  Robinson,  Senior,  left  his 
property  to  the  child  of  his  only  daughter — 
Frances  Haddea! 

LITTON 

Tenderly. 

Fanny ! 

SETON 

But  on  his  death-bed  he  executed  a  deed  of 
transfer — wishing  to  repair  the  injury  done  to 
your  father — 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          185 

LITTON 
Poor  old  Dad ! 

SETON 

— giving  the  estate  to  you,   at  such   time  as 
Fanny  shall  marry — 

LITTON 

Beginning  to  grasp  it. 

Then  Fanny  is — ? 

SETON 
The  present  Heir  of  Crawford. 


LITTON 

Tenderly. 

Fanny,  now  !    To  think  of  that ! 

Fiercely. 
Then  why  haven't  I  known  it  ? 


SETON 

Hm,  well — it  was  not  necessary !     Besides,  you 
swore  you  wouldn't  meet  your  creditor ! 

LITTON 
You — don't — mean — to  say —  ? 

Looks  about  room. 

No,  no  !  Impossible ! 


1 86         CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

SETON 
What  is? 

LITTON 

That  Fanny  has  been  here!     I  should  know  if 
she  were  within  a  mile  of  the  place! 

Seton  covers  a  laugh  with  his  handkerchief. 

Then  'tis  with  the  dead  I  have  been  fighting  the 
battles  of  the  dead — and  Fanny  is  the  rose  of 
peace  that  has  blossomed  on  the  battlefield  ! 

A  pause,  slight,  but  solemn. 
Why  did  she  want  this  money? 

Sharply. 

SETON 

Fanny  wished  to  secure  part  of  her  fortune, 
without  his  knowledge,  to  the  man  she  loves ! 

LITTON 
Poor — poor  little  Fanny  ! 

SETON 
Nay !    I  think  it  for  the  best ! 

LITTON 
Of  course,  she  knows  nothing  of  this  ? 


CAPTAIN    LETT ARBL AIR          187 

SETON 

I  communicated  it  to  you  first,  in  view  of  your 
speedy  return  to  India ! 

Turning  about  in  chair,  takes  from  drawer  of 
desk  two  documents. 

Here  is  a  copy  of  the  will ;  and  here— 

Hands  one  of  these  to  Litton. 

— the  deed  of  transfer. 

Opens  will ;  runs  eye  over  contents. 
Fanny,    deeply    moved,    appears    between    the 
curtains,  watching. 

LITTON 
She  need  never  know  ! 

Lifts  deed  high  in  hand. 

I  hold  in  my  hand  that  which  comes  like  a  mes 
sage  from  the  dead;  a  tardy  requital  of  the  in 
jury  of  a  lifetime,  and  a  complete  vindication  of 
the  honour  of  my  father's  name. 

Seton  solemnly  says  Amen.  Fanny,  inaudibly, 
echoes  Amen.  Litton,  with  a  quick  move 
ment,  thrusts  the  deed  into  the  flame  of  the 
lamp. 

SETON 

Turning  slowly  and  absent-mindedly  in  chair, 
catches  sight  of  him,  and,  half-rising,  tries 
to  check  him. 


1 88          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

Stop!  What  are  you  doing?  Do  you  realise 
that  you  are  destroying  your  title  to  one  of  the 
finest  properties  in  the  United  Kingdom? 

LITTON 

Not  at  all !  Simply  making  it  a  wedding  pres 
ent  to  Fanny!  An  illumination  in  honour  of 
Fanny's  wedding! — A  burnt  offering,  as  it 
were ! 

Drops   the   burning   paper,   and    stamps   on    it, 
extinguishing  it. 

So  perish  old  animosities ! 
Good-bye ! 


Goes   hurriedly   toward   the   door,    finding  his 
busby  as  he  passes  the  table. 


SETON 

Agitated,  turns  toward  him,  swinging  about  in 
chair. 

Aren't  you  going  to  say  good-bye  to  Fanny  ? — 
Have  you  forgotten  Fanny? 

LITTON 

Standing  near  the  door.     With  deep  feeling. 

Forget  her  ?— Never !— I  can't  see  her  again, 
though !  God  bless  her ! — Good-bye ! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          189 

Goes  hurriedly,  closing  the  door  sharply  be 
hind  him.  Seton  swings  about  in  chair, 
away  from  door,  as  he  wipes  his  glasses. 
Fanny  advances,  and,  kneeling,  picks  up  the 
charred  deed,  then  suddenly  bows  her  head 
on  Seton's  knee  in  a  passion  of  tears.  He 
smooths  her  hair  tenderly. 


CHANGE  OF  SCENE 


SCENE    II 

On  the  following  day  in  the  garden  at  Beechwood.  To 
the  centre  of  the  picture  a  stately  tree  spreads  its  shade  over 
a  rustic  bench  and  a  table,  on  which  are  apples,  and  daisies 
in  a  vase.  On  the  right  stands  an  old,  moss-stained,  vine- 
wreathed  sun-dial.  Paths  lead  in  all  directions  among  trim 
flower  beds,  clumps  of  shrubs  and  trees.  In  the  distance  is 
a  golden  vista.  Everything  betokens  peace  and  old-fash 
ioned  exquisiteness  seen  through  the  soft  hazes  of  a  mellow 
afternoon.  Hyacinth  is  sitting,  listening  adoringly  to  the 
Dean,  who  is  seen  approaching  playing  on  his  zither,  Be 
lieve  me,  if  all  those  endearing  young  charms. 

Dean  sits  by  Hyacinth. 

HYACINTH 

With  a  sigh  of  rapture  as  the  Dean  ends. 
I  could  listen  to  you  for  ever ! 

DEAN 

Touched. 
My  dear  Hyacinth ! 


190          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
HYACINTH 

Taking  her  gloves  and  parasol  from  the  table. 
Does  Fanny  know  that  Lettarblair  is  coming? 

DEAN 
Oh,  no !    It  is  to  be  a  surprise ! 

HYACINTH 
I  think  you  mentioned  the  six  o'clock  train. 

DEAN 

Rising  and  giving  Hyacinth  his  hand. 

True,  my  dear!  We  had  better  be  starting. 
My  horses  are  such  conservatives  they  are  apt  to 
be  behind  time ! 

Exeunt  Dean  and  Hyacinth.  Enter  Litton.  He 
looks  about  cautiously.  Pinckney  and  Jorkins 
follow  him. 

LITTON 

Stay  by  the  mare,  Jorkins,  and — you  know 
what  to  do! 

JORKINS 

Salutes,  and  exit. 
Aye,  aye,  sir ! 


"  Believe  me,  if  all  those  endearing  young  charms  "     Page  i8g 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          191 

LITTON 

And  yon,  Pinckney — whistle  if  those  fellows 
grow  unmanageable — and  for  the  rest,  keep  your 
eyes  shut,  no  matter  what  you  see ! — Then  when 
the  last  echo  of  Kitty  Tyrrell's  hoofs  has  died 
away,  give  the  detectives  this  little  token,  and  this 
note. 

Hands  money  and  letter  to  Pinckney. 

PINCKNEY 

Hm !  I'd  like  to  cane  the  fellow  before  I  help 
him  escape!  Surely  he  deserves  some  punish 
ment  ! 

LITTON 

Sh! — You're  a  bit  of  a  sinner  yourself!  And 
perhaps  he  has  a  conscience  somewhere! — Go, 
now,  quick! 

PINCKNEY 

It  goes  against  the  grain,  but— 

Exit.   Enter  Merivale. 

MERIVALE 

Well,  Litton !  I  have  always  disliked  you  cor 
dially  !  Well,  you  have  your  revenge ! 


192          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
LITTON 

Sadly. 

God  knows  I  don't  want  it,  Merivale!  'Tis  not 
the  sweet  thing  'tis  cracked  up  to  be ! 

MERIVALE 

You  cut  me  out  with  the  woman  I  wished  to 
marry — and  I — I  forged  your  name ! 

LITTON 

But  for  the  grace  of  God  I  might  have  forged 
my  own  name,  Merivale! — And — and  you  can 
make  restitution,  you  know  ! 

MERIVALE 

Sits  on  table. 

Of  course  I  must  make  restitution,  or  suffer  a 
most  undesirable  punishment — or  both  ! 

LITTON 
Have  you  the  money  with  you  ? 

MERIVALE 
All  I  could  lay  hands  on !    Unfortunately  I  had 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          193 

spent  three  hundred  pounds,  not  calculating  on  its 
being  required  of  me — at  any  rate,  so  soon ! 

Laughs  bitterly,  slapping  breast. 

Nine  thousand,  seven  hundred  pounds !  Seton  in 
timated  that  I  must  hand  it  to  him  to-night  in  the 
presence  of  the  Dean  and  yourself! 

LITTON 
Hand  it  over  now,  man ! 

MERIVALE 

Rising,  crosses  to  R. 
Write  me  an  acknowledgement ! 

Takes   envelope    from   breast,    counts   out   the 
money  it  contains  and  lays  it  on  table. 

Nine — five — two  ones.  Nine  thousand,  seven 
hundred. 

Litton  hands  him  a  card  on  which  he  has  been 
writing. 

What's  this?  You  say  "receipt  for  amount  in 
full—?" 

LITTON 

Putting  envelope  with  money  in  breast. 

It  shall  be  the  full  amount  when  Seton  gets  it. 


194          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
MERIVALE 

Hm!  You're  a  generous  enemy,  Litton!  I 
may  find  time  to  like  you  better  when  I  am  break 
ing  stones  at  Botany  Bay ! 

Bitterly. 

LITTON 

Merivale,  'tis  to  save  you  from  that  I  brought 
you  here.  Quick,  man,  quick!  Jorkins  is  wait 
ing  for  you  over  yonder!  You  are  to  ride  Kitty 
Tyrrell  to  the  station.  'Tis  all  arranged;  your 
passage  taken.  In  a  new  world  you  can  start  on 
a  new  life! 

MERIVALE 

Suppose  I  decline  to<  accept  your  kindness ! 

Pinckney  is  heard  to  whistle  a  warning. 

JORKINS 

Putting  head  round  corner. 

Captain,  time's  up! 

LITTON 

Sure,  in  another  minute  you  won't  have  a  fight 
ing  chance  to  accept  it  or  decline ! — I  needn't  re 
mind  you  of  the  alternative! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          195 

MERIVALE 

I  accept ! — You  and  Fanny  will  doubtless  enjoy 
many  a  good  laugh  together  over  my — blunder ! 

LITTON 

For  her  own  sake,  from  me  she  shall  never  hear 
of  it.  And  if  anything  can  redeem  you  in  my 
eyes,  'tis  the  thought  that  in  your  own  way  you 
may  have  cared  for  her! — Now  go!  And — 

and — 

Slapping  Merivale  on  back. 

I  don't  want  to  preach  to  ye,  Merivale,  but  re 
member  that  honesty  is  the  best  policy — and  even 
if  it  isn't,  stick  to  it  all  the  same,  Merivale ! 

MERIVALE 

Breaking  down. 
Oh,  God  forgive  me ! 

LITTON 

Solemnly. 

Amen !    And  bless  you,  too,  Merivale ! 

MERIVALE 
Good  afternoon,  Litton. 

Recovering  himself,  speaks  with  assumption  of 
jauntiness. 


196          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

Don't  forget  to  hand  that  envelope  to  Seton,  and 
mention  to  him  that  I  am  unable  to  keep  my  ap 
pointment  with  him ! 

Exit. 

LITTON 

Looks  after  him  and  sighs. 
Poor  dear  old  Merivale ! 

Sits  on  the  table,  and,  taking  a  letter  from 
pocket,  reads  it  to  himself,  kisses  it,  then 
reads  it  aloud  several  times  with  different 
intonations,  holding  it  out  at  arm's  length. 
Rises,  repeating  the  words.  Whispers  them. 
Sits  on  bench  and  spreads  out  the  letter  on 
his  knee,  reading  it. 

"Come  back  to  me!  Fanny!" — Look  at  that, 
now! — "Come,  back,  to,  me,  Fanny!"  Ha,  ha,  ha, 
ha!  Just  look  at  it  smiling  up  at  me!  Hear  it 
calling  with  her  very  voice !  "Come!  Back!  To! 
Me !  Fanny ! — Come-back-to-me-Fanny !" — Ha, 
Ha,  Ha!  "ComebacktomeFanny — Come — back — 
to — me — " 

Rises,  kisses  letter,  and  exit  left,  still  reading  it. 
Fanny  enters.    Polly  follows  her. 

FANNY 

Looking  at  sun-dial. 

Oh,  dear!     Do  you  believe  this  tells  the  time 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          197 

right,  Polly  ?    The  shadow  takes  so  long  to  creep 
around,  to-day ! 

POLLY 

Yes,  dear!  I  shouldn't  wonder  if  the  earth 
moved  more  slowly  altogether  till  the  Irish  cousin 
comes ! 

Picking  out  an  apple  and  taking  a  large  bite. 

FANNY 

Sighing. 
It  feels  that  way ! 

POLLY 

But  I  think,  all  the  same,  the  trains  may  run  on 
time  for  the  sake  of  the  other  passengers ! 

Munches  apple. 

FANNY 

Two  mortal  hours  before  he  gets  here!  And 
then — ah,  me !  How  he  must  despise  me ! 

POLLY 

How  funny  for  him  to  come  all  the  way  down 
here  just  to  despise  you. 

Munches  apple. 


198         CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

FANNY 

I  wrote  and  asked  him  to.  I  mean,  to  come! 
I  couldn't  let  him  go  away  forever  without  tell 
ing  him  that  I  know  how  noble  he  is ! — And  then 
there  are  some  affairs  to  settle — and  then — ah, 
me! 

POLLY 

And  then  they  lived  happily  for  ever  afterward ! 
Ah,  me ! 

Mimicking  Fanny. 

FANNY 

Nonsense,  Polly !  Do  you  think  I  have  no  self- 
respect !  Do  you  think  I — Oh,  no!  He  will  go 
away,  and  I  shall  be  like  a  widow  or  a  nun !  Just 
as  if  he  could  ever  care  for  me  now ! 

POLLY 

Takes  up  a  daisy  and  gives  it  to  Fanny,  then 
selects  one  for  herself  and  plucks  out  its 
petals. 

We'll  see !— There !  That's  for  you !  And  this 
one's  for  me ! — Loves  me ;  loves  me  not ;  loves 
me ;  not ;  loves ;  not ;  loves  me !  True  for  you  ! — 
We'll  try  again!  Why  don't  you  begin,  Fanny? 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          199 

FANNY 

I'm  afraid! 

POLLY 

Plucking  another  daisy. 

'Sme;  'sine  not;  'sme;  'sme  not;  loves  me! — 
Of  course!  Make  haste  with  yours,  Fanny! 

FANNY 

The  risk  is  too  great  that  way,  because  if  it 
isn't  Loves  me,  it  has  to  be  Loves  me  not! — I'll 
try  a  longer  road ! — "He  loveth  me ;  right  heart 
ily;  all  silently;  distrustfully;  a  fortnight  hence; 
with  confidence ;  he  loves  me  all  in  all ;  with  secret 
smart;  with  all  his  heart;  till  death  do  part;  a 
little;  not — "  Oh,  dear! 


POLLY 
Well  ? 

FANNY 

It  comes  out,  "Not  at  all!"     Lying  daisy!     I 
can  not,  will  not  believe  it ! 

Flings  away  the  plucked  daisy. 


200         CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
POLLY 

Still  plucking. 

Loves — Not — Loves — Not — Loves !  Look, 
Fanny ! 

Holding  up  a  bunch  of  stripped  daisy  heads. 

See  what  a  bunch  of  "He  Loves  He's!'' 

FANNY 

Oh,  Polly,  you  are  the  luckiest  girl !  How  do 
you  manage  it  that  it  comes  out  "Loves  Me" 
every  time? 

POLLY 

It's  very  simple !  I  count  the  petals  first ;  and 
if  they're  an  even  number  I  begin  on  "Loves  me 
not,"  while  if  they're  odd  I  start  with  "Loves 
me !"  And  then  it  has  to  come  out  right !  Life  is 
so  much  happier  if  you  look  at  things  in  that  way, 
Fanny ! 

FANNY 

Perhaps  it  is ! 

Goes  to  sun-dial  and  looks  at  it. 

How  slow  you  are !  Aren't  you  ever  tired  of  wait 
ing  for  your  own  shadow  ? 


Oh,  when  he  comes  I  shall  say — I  shall  say — "     Page  201 


Of    THE 

UNIVERSITY 

OF 


Of    THE 

UNIVERSITY 


LETTARBLAIR          201 
POLLY 
And  when  he  comes  what  will  you  say  to  him  ? 

Litton  approaches,  still  reading  letter.  He 
starts  on  seeing  the  two  girls,  but  at  a  sign 
from  Polly  pauses  to  listen  to  Fanny. 

FANNY 

In  rapturous  tones,  not  seeing  Litton. 
Oh,  when  he  comes  I  shall  say  —  I  shall  say- 

Clasping  hands,  rapturously,  turns  and  sees 
him.  Very  coldly. 

Good  afternoon,  Captain  Litton  ! 

LITTON 
Good  afternoon  ! 

POLLY 

As  usual  Polly  is  dc  trop  —  Loves  me  —  Loves 

me  not  ! 

Exit,  mocking  Fanny. 

FANNY 
Nice  day,  isn't  it! 

LITTON 
Ah,   Fanny,   I'm  not  here  to  talk  about  any- 


202          CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

thing  so  inconstantly  constant  as  the  weather! 
I've  come  to — 

FANNY 

Putting  the  sun-dial  between  them. 

No,  please.  Not  a  word  till  I  have  had  my  say ! 
I  wrote,  asking  you  to  come,  before  you  go  away 
forever,  because  I  want  you  to  know  that  I  know 
— I  want  to  explain — 

LITTON 

My  heart !  Don't  explain  anything !  Your  let 
ter  was  sufficient!  "Come-back-to-me-Fanny !" 
— and  my  going  away  depends  entirely  on  you! 
I  don't  need  to  tell  you  that,  Fanny ! 

FANNY 

It's  just  this :  I  want  you  to  know  that  I  know 
everything — just  how  considerate,  and  good  and 
noble  you  have  been — 


LITTON 

Impatiently. 

Oh,  none  of  that ! 

Goes  to  her  behind  the  sun-dial. 


Come-back-to-me-Fanny  !  "      Page  202 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR         203 
FANNY 

Retreating  toward  table. 

No,  please!  I  want  to  finish.  I  want  to  say 
that  I  can  not  accept  so  great  a  sacrifice.  You 
must  take  back  your  own. 

She  leans  on  the  table. 

LITTON 

Sits  on  bench. 
It  is  not  mine,  Fanny ! 

FANNY 

Emphasising  with  her  fan. 

Oh,  but  it  is !    It  is ! 

LITTON 

Absolutely  not.  There  is  not  a  paper  in  exist 
ence  on  which  I  could  base  a  claim.  That  you 
can  not  change.  You're  the  Prince  and  I'm  the 
pauper  still ! 

FANNY 

Oh,  what  shall  we  do!  I  want  you  so  to  have 
it.  I  have  wanted  it  all  along! 

LITTON 
You  know  there  is  something  I  care  for  more 


204         CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

than  anything  else  in  the  world.     That  you  can 
give  me ! 

FANNY 

With  passion,  flinging  away  her  fan. 

No,  you  shan't  ask  me  that ! 
LITTON 

Picks  up  the  fan. 

Ah,  now,  Fanny ! 

FANNY 

Don't  you  see  if  you  were  to  ask  me  to  marry 
you  now  I  should  always  feel  that  you  had  done 
it  out  of  pity !  '  You  see,  it  was  for  you,  and  you 
only,  and  always  you,  all  along,  even  when  I 
seemed  to  mistrust  you !  And  you  were  so  noble ! 
I  ought  to  be  on  my  knees  to  you ! 

LITTON 

Fanning  himself. 

So  you  ought !    So  you  ought ! 

FANNY 

I  did  such  terrible  things  to  you.  I  told  Mr. 
Seton  to  squeeze  you  for  the  money !  I  thought 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR         205 

you  were  a  corporation  or  a  railroad !  But  all 
the  same  it  was  for  you ! 

Sobbing. 

LITTON 

My  darling !  Thank  Heaven  I'm  neither  a  cor 
poration  nor  a  railroad,  the  squeezing  will  come 
so  much  easier  on  that  account ! — I'd  sooner  have 
you  do'  it  than  O'ld  Set  on ! 

Rises  and  goes  to  her,  but  she  motions  him 
back. 

Well,  what  shall  we  do ! 

Fanny  shakes  head  despairingly  while  wiping 
her  eyes.     With  a  new  idea. 

I'll  tell  you,  Fanny!  If  it's  any  balm  to  your 
blessed  little  heart  you  shall  ask  me  to  marry  you ! 
Royalty  does  that,  you  know,  when  it  desires  to 
ally  itself  with  the  lowly ;  so  that  it  won't  be  any 
thing  out  of  the  way ! 


FANNY 

Relieved. 

Oh,  I  will! 

Heroically. 

But— 

Moves  a  few  steps  away  to  the  left. 

You  must  refuse  me  if  you  want  to ! 


206         CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
LITTON 

Airily. 

That's  of  course ! 

FANNY 

Taken  aback. 
Oh! 

LITTON 
Well? 

Fanny  makes  a  futile  effort  to  speak.     He  mim 
ics  her. 

FANNY 
I  don't  know  how  to  begin ! 

LITTON 

Haven't  ye  had  my  graceful  example  to  profit 
by? 

FANNY 

Well,  then- 
Marches  stiffly  toward  him. 

Captain  Litton,  will  you  marry  me  ? 
LITTON 

Shudders. 

Dear  me!  You'd  have  sent  for  a  policeman 
and  ordered  me  from  the  house  if  I  had  taken 
that  tone !  Much  more  deferential,  Fanny ! 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR         207 

FANNY 

It's  harder  than  I  thought — Captain  Litton, 
please  will  you  marry  me? 

LITTON 

Och,  but  you  mustn't  spring  it  on  a  coy  crea 
ture  that  way!  You  must  lead  up  to  it,  now, 

Fanny ! 

FANNY 

Oh,  dear ! — But  how  ? 

LITTON 

You  must  seek  to  gain  my  ear  with  protesta 
tions  of  undying  affection,  and  incidentally, 
throw  in  a  few  tributes  to  my  charms!  Allude 
frequently  to  my  eyes ! 

FANNY 

Well,  then- 
Breaks  off,  scuffing  her  foot  among  the  fallen 
leaves,  while  Litton  imitates  her. 

— I  think  you  are  quite  nice-looking — at  times ! 


Ah-h! 


LITTON 

Fanning  himself,  as  if  propitiated. 


CAPTAIN  LETTARBLAIR 

FANNY 
And — I'm  very  fond  of  you — and — 

Breaks  off,  puzzled  how  to  go  on. 

LITTON 

In  a  patronising  tone. 

Persevere!     Use  more  impassioned  eloquence! 

FANNY 

I  admire  you !    I  love  you ! 

LITTON 
Much  too  cold  and  commonplace! 

FANNY 

I  think  you  are  perfectly  beautiful!     I  adore 
you  !     I  worship  the  very  ground  you  walk  on  ! 

Approaches  him. 

LITTON 

Condescendingly. 

Hackneyed,  but  much  better ! 

FANNY 
Listen  to  me,  I  entreat  you.   See- — 

Kneels  in  front  of  him. 
I  am  on  my  knees  to  you ! 


Hackneyed,  but  much  better  !  "     Page  208 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR         209 

LITTON 

Why,  what  makes  you  do  that!     It  must  be 

very  uncomfortable ! 

Fanning  himself. 

FANNY 

Rises  indignantly. 

It  isn't  fair,  at  all !  I  won't  have  anything  more 
to  do  with  you  ! 

LITTON 

Ah,  now  you're  beginning  to  make  an  impres 
sion !  And  if  you  were  to  go  just  a  few  steps 
away — 

Detains  her  by  his  tone  as  she  is  about  to  leave 
him.    " 

not  very  far,  you  know — I  should  instantly  seek 
to  lure  ye  back  again ! 

Fans  himself. 

FANNY 

I  never  behaved  so  to  you ! 

LITTON 

With  feeling. 

No,  indeed!  When  one  day  you  let  me  think 
you  loved  me  well  enough  to  marry  me,  and  a 
week  afterward — 


210         CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 
FANNY 

With  deep  feeling. 
Oh,  Lettarblair,  it  was  all  a  mistake! 

LITTON 

Then — if  I  were  to  tell  you  that  I  could  not 
live  without  you —  ? 

FANNY 
And  if  I  were  to  ask  you  not  to  try  to — ? 

LITTON 

Fanny — dear,  dearest  Fanny! 

He  takes  her  into  his  arms.     Enter  the  Dean, 
.  Hyacinth    and     Mr.     Seton.     Fanny    breaks 
from  Litton  and  goes  to  sun-dial. 

DEAN 

My  boy !    Bless  your  honest  face,  here  you  are ! 
— It  was  all  a  stupid  mistake! 

SETON 

United  to  a  very  pretty  bit  of  legal  complica 
tion ! 

LITTON 

Yes,  ha,  ha!     I  was  the  stupid  mistake,  and — 

He  takes  Fanny's  hand. 


CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR          211 

I  am  going  to  be  united  to  the  pretty  bit  of  legal 
complication ! 

Enter  Pinckney  and  Polly. 
PlNCKNEY 

Aha  !    I  told  you  so  ! 

DEAN 

In  tone  of  indulgent  reproof. 

Pinckney,  sir!     The  occasion  does  not  call  for 
frivolity ! 

He  hands  Hyacinth  to  seat  and  places  himself 
beside  her. 

POLLY 

Taxing  Fanny. 

Ah,  Fanny !     He  loves  me — Loves  me  not ! 
FANNY 

Taking  a  daisy  and  plucking  the  petals. 

He  loveth  me ! — 

LITTON 

Plucking  the  petals  with  her. 
Right  heartily ! 

FANNY 
All  silently ; 


212         CAPTAIN    LETTARBLAIR 

LITTON 
Distrustfully ! 

FANNY 

A  fortnight  hence — 

LITTON 
With  confidence! 

FANNY 
He  loves  me — Not  at  all ! 

LITTON 
With  secret  smart ! 

FANNY 
With  all  his  heart ! 

LITTON 
Till  death  do  part ! 

FANNY 
A  little — 

LITTON 
All  in  all ! 

Polly  and  Pinckney,  Hyacinth  and  the  Dean 
follow  with  daisies  of  their  own ;  Seton  with 
one  all  alone.  At  the  close  Litton  takes 
Fanny  into  his  arms. 

CURTAIN 


OF    THE 

UNIVERSITY 

OF 
r-«%F.*jik. 


THIS  BOOK  IS  DUE  ON  THE  LAST  DATE 
STAMPED  BELOW 


SEP  8  1915 
J  IL22 


30m-6,'14 


YB  3i90! 


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